Are you getting mad yet?

Come on, admit it, you might be getting a little mad.

No one likes to admit it, no one likes to say how mad he or she gets, but life does throw a lot of stuff at us and it can get you mad. Sometimes you just can’t help but get mad.

Don’t worry it’s not your fault, so you can admit it.  After all your friend did not help you out like you helped your friend. The checkout clerk was rude.  Pull up to the pump and gas prices went up again overnight.  A co-worker was simply rude and did not respect you. Your relationship partner did not call you back. Your boss kept you waiting and you had to just take it.

Think about it, your family, work, traffic, bills, telemarketing calls, accidents, long lines, being cut off, the list is endless, so how could you not get mad?  You deserve to feel the way you do and it’s definitely not your fault.

Circumstances are what they are and they can get you mad.  What if I told you that nothing can get you mad other than you?  That would be a strange concept wouldn’t it?  After all, you have nothing to do with how that rude checkout clerk talks to you and it is reasonable to get mad in that situation.  After all, you don’t deserve to be talked to in that manner. You are a paying customer, how dare that employee treat you like that.  The fact that you are mad is a result of how you were treated; certainly you are not getting you mad, that store clerk is.

Is it really the clerk that is getting you mad? Let’s pretend one day you are at the store and you get mad and the next you don’t under the same exact circumstance. Why would that be? Well, let’s say one day you had a bad day at work, at home, or other and that is the day you get mad.  The next day you got a promotion at work, a tax refund check you were not expecting and had a terrific lunch with a friend and you did not even notice the clerk.

It is never what is happening that is getting you mad; it is what you are thinking in reaction to what is happening that gets you mad.  Only your thoughts get you mad, so only you can get you mad. You can at any time choose to handle and think through any situation differently.

That may seem unrealistic at times, but unrealistic or not it is still true.  You’re in the same traffic every day and some days it gets you mad and others it does not. Once again, it is not the traffic that is getting you mad, but what you are thinking in the traffic day-to-day.  As I Ching puts it, “The event is unimportant, the response to the event is important.” 

Life is going to throw all sorts of things at you all day both good and bad, and it is your choice to how you decide to respond to it. Don’t fool yourself into believing you have no choice in the matter.  To say that is to say that you have no power over yourself. You’re talking to the wrong guy if you want to say that.  I know how powerful you are. You might not know it, but I do.  I know you can choose.

The ability to choose how we respond is the difference between humans and animals. Animals react by instinct.  If an animal is angry it attacks, hungry then it eats, etc., etc., etc.  We can choose regardless of how we feel or our instincts on how to behave and respond.  You do it all the time all day and you can learn how to increase your skill at it. 

Here is what I always ask a client to do regardless of the situation. Ask yourself what do you want to get out of the situation.  Meaning, what will be best for you; and then choose your behavior accordingly. After all, does getting mad help you get what you want?

Next time you are in a situation and feel yourself getting mad, slow down.  Stop and think about what you are about to do or say.  Take that one second and ask yourself if what you are about to do will be to your benefit?  Wouldn’t you prefer to behave in ways that add value to your life?  It takes just one second. 

Don’t give up your power to situations and people that you have no control over.  You can’t control other people.  You can’t control the traffic or life, but you can control you.  You have the power to decide how you respond to life.  Exercise your power, take control of your thoughts, and aim your behavior towards actions and responses that will be to your benefit.

So rather than getting mad, get the life you want.

Devlyn Steele