Forgiving Past Wounds

 

"I understand the wounds that have not healed in you. They exist because God and love have not yet become real enough to allow you to forgive the dream. You still listen to an old alley song that brings your body pain."

                                                                            -Hafiz

 

The kaleidoscope effect of perspective

 

"Well, that's one way of looking at it", my therapist responded after I told him about my past abuse and why that meant I was destined to suffer. I was confused and infuriated. When I shared my story, I felt that was the truth; there was only one way of looking at it. I felt he had not been listening, that he was callous to my emotional pain. I was not able to see that most of my pain was coming from my perspective. The actions of others and my self were in the past, but I was living with them every moment, as if they were tattooed on my body, which they were, just not visible to the eye. I was actively choosing to hold onto pain as proof or testament to what I had lived through. I was trapped in this survival mentality.

 

Now I try to think, "In what way can I remember my past that will bring me the most options for happiness in the present?” This is not wishful thinking; it is taking responsibility for my own happiness.

 

Waking up and forgiving the dream

 

When you are unable to forgive the past, you keep living in the hold of that dream of how you wish things had been. You do not want to be woken up. When you are dreaming, you are asleep to the present moment and the contentment and joy it holds for you. "You still listen to an old alley song that brings your body pain" You keep thinking, "This person hurt me,” you think, "I am not whole because of how this person hurt me," and your ego thinks that is who you are.

 

Why would you choose to keep listening to that which brings you pain? Why not attune your ears to a new song, to the highest possibility and to the limitless nature of Spirit?

 

 

Becoming a spiritual adult

 

When you stop dreaming, and wake up to this moment, you take responsibility for your perspective on the past. This is becoming a spiritual adult. "When I was a child, I spoke as a child; I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became an adult, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11). Take responsibility by finding a spiritual practice that heals you, and be accountable to your practice consistently. You do not need to spend a lot of time reaching into the past to remember "what went wrong" and analyzing with your mind, trying to remember. Instead, focus on a higher activity like yoga, which will naturally move you towards healing and reconciling the past.

 

The best way to douse the flames of disturbed thoughts is by simultaneously stilling the mind through self– discipline while engaging in a higher form of activity. When your heart and mind are overwhelmed by emotions connected to the past, do your yoga, surrender to your breath and clarity will come bubbling up like a spring of fresh water.

 

Freedom from scapegoats

 

To be free of painful memories and disappointments for yourself, you have to let others be free of them too. You have to free people from their role in disappointing you. Although this is incredibly strong medicine, it is difficult for the ego to do.

 

When I look deeply at the people toward whom I hold the most anger, I see that I am carrying a lot of remorse for my own behavior towards them as well. I see that I must be willing to feel my own regret and forgive myself, and only then can I release my anger towards them. Where I have felt betrayed, I have betrayed also. Where I have felt hurt, I have hurt also. Where I have felt abandoned, I have abandoned also. This does not apply to children, who are entirely within the power of others. But as we grow up, we often hurt or disappoint in return.

 

Forgiveness is the best medicine

 

To forgive the dream and to forgive others, you must be willing to re-experience your suppressed emotions. You must be willing to see who you have been. Some memories from decades ago can still make me cringe, to see the way I acted or reacted. It is not easy to look back and really see who I have been when I was afraid. It is not easy to respond by loving myself unconditionally, like a mother soothing a child.

 

Forgive your expectations; release your dreams of how you wish the past had been. Release yourself from these old, tired stories. Release others from this bondage also.

 

Forgiveness exercise

I am willing to see who I have been

I am willing to change

I am willing to see who I truly AM

I am willing to let go and become that

 

Psalm Isadora