Men: Become Outcome Independent!

     Men tend to be outcome dependent.  Many men approach a woman with only one goal in mind: to get her phone number.  Such men think if they approach a woman, they must get her phone number in order for that approach to have been successful.  These men, in fact, will base their entire assessment of an encounter on whether a woman gives them her phone number.  This type of mindset is outcome dependence.  

     The problem with outcome dependence is that women are not wired to be outcome dependent.  Women are about emotional connection.  Men need to understand this, and learn to judge their encounters with women by how well they were able to connect with each woman.

     It's time to declare your outcome independence!  Here are ways to lose your outcome dependence and attract more women by connecting with them:

Stop Being A Predator:  Virtually every guy I've ever coached asked me how they can meet women who are walking toward them on the street.  Think about this.  You're walking down the street.  You see a woman you find attractive who is also walking down the street.  You're both in a hurry.  You all of a sudden want to meet her and get her phone number right now.  Let me try to put it into perspective: When you're in a rush walking down the street, do you like to be bothered?  You need to realize that you can't have every single woman you see simply because you find them attractive, because women will not be attracted to you unless you know how to also connect with them. 

Good Mechanics Do not Ensure Success: Just because you walked over to a woman and opened her with some amazing words of wisdom does not mean that she will want to go out with you.  When you speak with a woman, you need to listen carefully to what she has to say, because it takes more than a clever opener to really get a woman interested in you.  You need to pay really close attention to everything a woman says so you can initiate conversation topics about what's already in her mind.  You need to be able to engage her in conversation, but also to take the conversation deeper.  

Stay In The Moment:  One of the most important things to do is to make a significant mindset shift.  Stop focusing on getting phone numbers and start focusing more on staying present in the moment.  A lot of men will ask a woman for her phone number and to go out on a date mere seconds after they start talking to her.  That is the embodiment of being outcome dependent.  Remember, in order to get a woman's phone number you must first connect with her emotionally and in a way that will make her want to give you her phone number. 

Think about this from a woman's perspective.  You're a complete stranger who approached her and asked her out ... all in fifteen seconds or less.  Since she knows nothing about you, she is unlikely to agree to give you her phone number.  If you want to connect with women when you meet them, you are going to have to spend some time being in the moment with them. Putting in this time also allows both of you to see if you even like each other.   Plus, if you've been in the moment and connected with a woman when you meet her, if she does give you her phone number she will be excited to get your call (instead of feeling about you like she does about most telemarketers).

There Is No Call Back Guarantee: Just because you were able to get a woman's phone number does not mean she will return your call.  You will never know why a woman did not return a phone call.  What you can control is increasing your odds of getting a call back.  To do that, make sure you connect with a woman emotionally before you ask for her phone number.  If a woman for whatever reason does not call you back, don't take it personally.  That happens to everyone.  Just move on to meeting someone else.  There's always another woman to meet.  

     So are you a guy who believes that if you get a woman's phone number that she is going to be your next girlfriend (or might even be “the one”)?  Are you a guy who believes that if that same woman doesn't call you back that you must not have said the right thing when you approached her?  If so, then you like so many men are outcome dependent.  So many men perceive approaching a woman like a rite of passage that entitles them to favorable responses.  

     It's time to declare your outcome independence!  Understand that you may have to approach a lot of women before you find one who really relates to you.  Also, the next time you walk up to a woman, don't think about how badly you want to go out with her.  Instead, get to know her first to see if you really do want to go out with her. 

All the power to you,

David Wygant