Overcome Your Excuses

Recently a reader posted a comment in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him meet someone.  He said he has tried “everything” to meet someone, yet nothing he's tried has worked.

He started listing reasons why things aren't working for him in his dating life.  What every one of his “reasons” had in common, were that they were all excuses.  Worse yet, in his mind he perceives each of these to be unchangeable facts of life instead seeing them for what they really are: excuses he's created so he doesn't have to face his dating difficulties.  So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves “out there” in the dating world.

What all of you excuse-makers need to realize is that an amazing dating life is not just going to magically happen to you.  Let me assure you that your doorbell is not going to ring one day and when you open the door your perfect date is standing there with a bottle of wine and takeout saying, “I've been driving around the neighborhood for the last 15 years looking for your house and now I've finally found you!”  Just with anything else you want to achieve in life, you've got to put effort into meeting people. 

No matter what your excuses are, you create them in your mind to justify not having to try, and to feel better about your unsatisfying dating life.  It's time to get rid of all those excuses!  To get you started, here are five of the biggest and most common excuses, and proactive ways to overcome them.

This first excuse I hear virtually every day, “There are no good people to meet where I live.” You need to go out there with a better attitude.  The fact is that where you live has nothing to do with you remaining single.  It's your mindset, because no matter where my clients reside I have always been able to show them how to meet great people where they live.  If you truly believe that there is nobody great to meet where you live, there you're 100% right. You will not find anyone great to meet where you live.  So you need to develop a better attitude.

Another excuse I hear constantly: “The only people I seem to attract are the wrong people, and I can't seem to do anything about it.” The truth is that you do have the power to do something about it.  It comes down to the way you go out there and meet people.  Look at your life a little more deeply.  Do you always go to the same places to meet someone?   Is it too much of a challenge for people to meet you?  The key here is stop thinking about kinds of people you’ve met; focus on how you're meeting people. 

A third excuse is the ever-popular “I don't have time.”  If you truly want to meet someone, you need to make time to do it.  It's really that simple. You need to be willing to put time and effort into meeting people every day.  Fifteen minutes a day devoted to going out there and meeting new people is all you need.  Try setting goals if that helps you.  Tell yourself, “I'm going to talk to four new women today.” Reach your goal daily. You've got to make it happen.  You've got to make the time.  I know you're busy, but just remember that this is YOUR life and only you can make your life happen for you. 

Although a little more difficult to recognize as an excuse, one of the biggest excuses is the “as soon as ...” excuse.  “As soon as I lose weight I'll go out and talk to people.” As soon as I get back in the gym ... as soon as I finish this big project at work ... as soon as I go on this new diet ... as soon as my kids get older. You believe life is going to change the second you accomplish other things.  You’ve got to start now, because life is all about being in the moment. You need to totally get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone “as soon as” you accomplish some other thing.  You've got to be open to meeting someone all the time. 

Another big excuse area is about online dating.  Many people who have never tried online dating say, “I don't want to do online dating.  Online dating is for losers.”  This is a ridiculous statement. There are millions upon millions of people dating online.  A client once said to me “I don't want to put my picture on my online dating profile because someone I know might see it and then they'll know I'm doing online dating.”  If someone sees your online profile, likely they are doing online dating.  Here again, there is an attitude problem. You've got to tell people you're single and, more importantly, you need to stop feeling like there is something wrong with being single.  Going online is one way of making an announcement to the world that “Yes, I'm single, I'm open and I want to meet someone.” 

In order to meet great people, you've got to decide to be proactive and do all these things.  So get rid of the excuses, overcome your fears, and start meeting great people! 

All the power to you,