Surf and Transform Your Dating Life

     A friend of mine and I recently spent a week in Hawaii.  Our first morning my friend suggested we go surfing.  Now, I have never been great on skis or skates, so I had my doubts.  My first thought was, “No way!”

      “Sure, whatever, I'll go with you” was what I said, though, because my ego insisted I had to.   

     I arrived for our surfing lessons with the mindset that I will not be able to get up on a surfboard.  In fact, as our surfing instructor sat on the sand with us teaching us everything we needed to know to be able to surf, I was in another world thinking “There's no way I am going to be able to get up on that surfboard.  It's not going to happen.”  Not only that, but I had to overcome the fear of sharks I have had ever since I saw the movie Jaws when I was thirteen.

     Meanwhile, our surfing instructor continued to teach us how to surf.  I got on my board in the water and was going through the waves still thinking, “There is NO way I am going to be able to do this. I'm going to fail at surfing.” Then something interesting happened. 

     I get on a wave, kneel on one knee, put one leg up, and all of a sudden I realize, “I am going to get up on this board!”  Then I rode it in, just like that.  A couple of rides later, I stood up on the board and I took the entire wave from start to finish.  It felt amazing to be able to see the mountains all around, to see the beautiful Hawaiian sky, to smell the water, and to be able to see the clear water surrounding me. I was addicted at that moment.

     What does this surfing adventure have to do with dating? Why should you date like a surfer?  Well, surfing is a lot like dating.  In surfing as in dating, there are a lot of ups and there are a lot of downs.  There are some times you catch that perfect wave as your board starts inching into the water, then the next thing you know you're tumbling all over the place having no idea when you're going to be able to get back up again or how you're going to feel.

     Surfing is just like dating because every time you tumble in the water, you have to get right back up on that board and try again.  You never know when that next wave is going to take you all the way into the shore and make you feel victorious.  You have got to do this in dating, because you never know when the next person you run into at the supermarket or the coffee shop is going to be that person with whom you create magic.  It's amazing that dating (and life) is just like surfing. 

     I surfed for four days while I was in Hawaii.  I had a great time.  I went out there and kept trying.  On some days, I was able to ride more than I wiped out.  On my very last ride of the trip, I jumped off the board in a weird way and jammed by back.  It was as I hobbled my way back onto the plane that I realized that surfing and dating are no different. 

     In surfing there will be some days you are going to ride the wave and feel great. Other days you won't.  In dating there will be some days you're going to meet some great people and think great things about a possible connection with someone. On other days you may realize things aren't going to work out with someone and you have to start all over again.

     What you need to realize is that every day and every wave gives you a chance to start anew.  When you get on a surfboard, you never think about the previous wave or your last wipeout.  All you think about is getting up on that board on THIS wave.  You take in the beautiful Hawaiian mountains or focus on the waterfall in the mountains above you.  Then all you do is look straight ahead, crouch down, get on that board and ride that wave into shore. 

     You need to have that same mindset about every date you go on. Don’t dwell on past dates or falls.  Treat each date as you would treat a new wave.  Every wave is a new opportunity. Similarly, everyone you date is different, and you can start anew every single date.  That is amazing when you think about it.

All the power to you,