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Beware Of Making The "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" Mistake - Article from our Life Coaching Programs
Beware Of Making The "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" Mistake
David Wygant Dating Attraction Expert
I want to talk about a mistake that a majority of people will make over and over again, and about something everyone needs to know. It has to do with meeting people of the opposite sex who have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and how people react to learning that fact. I know that what I'm about to tell you is true for many reasons, but most particularly I know it from personal experience (and lots of it!)
Let me tell you something. Three of the best relationships I've had in my life have been with women who had a boyfriend when we first met. Now when I met them, I wasn't trying to seduce them or make them my girlfriend. I just looked at meeting them as meeting an interesting person.
That is the way I look at life. When I meet someone very interesting, I am going to try to get to know them as a person regardless of whether they're male or female.
What a lot of people do when they meet someone of the opposite sex and find out that person has a boyfriend or girlfriend, is immediately dismiss that person. They do it because of their own frustrations in dating. They say to themselves "Well, I don't want to get to know this person because I might like them once I get to know them, and this person won't like me because they're not available."
When you meet someone who is interesting, get to know that person on a friendship basis. Stop having so many expectations, and stop projecting your expectations onto others. It's just not worth it to have all those expectations.
My current girlfriend had a boyfriend when I first met her. The first time I met her, I was interested in her and we exchanged numbers. Then she called me to say that she had a boyfriend but was interested in getting to know me as a person. We then got to know each other just as friends and it was nice. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, and called me months afterwards just to catch up and reconnect . . . but with no expectations. Now here we are dating. So you never know what's going to happen in life.
The fact is, though, it's very hard to find someone who is really amazing. So you need to be open to it every day. There are a lot of great people who are in not-so-great relationships. They may not be ready to get involved with you right now, but get to know them now on a friendship basis. You never know where things might lead in the future.
Stop being so much about instant gratification. I wanted to go deeper into this subject because a lot of you make the mistake of dismissing people you want but can't immediately have. So it's really important to explore this issue more deeply.
All the power to you.
Dear David,
In general what you are saying s a very good frame of thinking and opens door and oportunities to friendship and networking. Having said this, there are a couple statements of things I differ on: 1) I think you did have an expectation of something romantic happening between you two but you didn't put it as the basis but as a possibility of evolvement. You actually said to yourself that her boyfriend/husband/whatever is her business and YOUR business is that you are attracted to her and would like a present/future relationship with her. Nothing to lose.
2) When she exchanged numbers and became your buddy she actually wanted to have you in the stack for possible future use. Either it be soon, later or never.
3) When she called you months later she wanted to actually hook up - she wanted you as more than her buddy. And it was very clear toher.
I agree that expectations should not be a large part of the equasion. We should rather detect possibilities, bearing in mind that EVERYTHING is possible, and grasp that the probability of their realisation is directly derived by our expectation-detached actions and daring.
The things I have said are based on a major transition I have made in life over the past few years in understanding what I need to get something and how women actually think and behave. Basically, genetically, women are much better equipped with a natural mental mechanism for achieving. But this is something anyone can learn if determined.
Dear David, I disagree with your concept here. If I were in a relationship, I would not like my boyfriend exchanging phone numbers with the opposite sex and keeping in touch with a female. It also says something about someones character that does do this. Did the boyfriend know this? Would a girlfriend like it if her boyfriend did this. How convenient to have that option to call the other person up and start a new relationship after they have ditched the old one. No relationship is perfect but to me this just breeds more issues. I have seen this happen with married people talking and confiding in "friends or co workers" also. Its a train wreck waiting to happen. How about waiting until both parties are completely available to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship instead of connecting before either is totally available. Just my thoughts. This is one tip, I wont be using. Rhonda
Hi David,
I read your article above and found it very interesting. Myself, I see nothing wrong with your idea of talking with the opposite sex and getting their phone number. The problem with todays younger generation is they have very little faith in their partners. If they don't trust their boyfriend/girlfriend they probably won't be together for long. I have been married for neerly 49 years and have other women that I talk to quite frequently. Ya gotta have faith and trust to make it work.
Bud
The problem is most people face is the fear of loosing the relationship, if the other person even talks to the opposite sex... If you feel that way it's not love it's ownership of the other person "so called jealousy" this is bad because yiou smother the other person and it's like being tied up in ropes, no freedom to live life.
Love should be within you and you share it...
Each honoring the other with care and feeling that help each-other grow in that feeling. That's what make long-lasting love go on in life.
I have several business relationships with people of both sexes and have many business cards from them. I don't think of them as sexual objects but friends in the same business, with the same goals of gaining new business from each-other.
My girlfriend understands this and knows that I may be going to meetings with them to discuss business of plans for the next video shoot or entertainment coverage. It's all business, once in a while they try to come on to me. I tell them, "sorry it won't work", this makes it clear that I don't feel like cheating.
Although sometime it's hard, it hurts me to
make my other half second best...
Although I think the concept of being open minded to people and things is good. Not every1 is always honest and truthful. Some people dont tell ppl they have a significant other. Which can cause drama on various levels.