Borrow Someone Else's Joy to Persevere

Brenda Griffin Get A Job Expert

We must learn to wait without wavering and we must recognize that the wait can be a positive experience, for learning to wait is learning to persevere.  ~ Dutch Sheets

     Scott's eyes were burning a hole through me.  I knew he was angry, but I didn't know why!  It was 2001. We were sitting at his dining room table like we did every week. He led a small group that shared life successes and struggles, and a few laughs. That week, Nancy was bursting with joy.  A dream job fell in her lap! 

     Through little effort of her own, she would be relocating to take on the challenge of a lifetime. Her excitement was contagious to me. The more she spoke the more I wanted to know! With each question, I could feel her joy penetrating my spirit. Half the fun was watching her glow and grin, ear to ear.  Clearly, not everyone was enjoying the party.

     The following week, Scott came clean: first with himself, then me.  The issue? Envy.   She had what he wanted!  He was unhappy with his job and actively looking for one, just like hers.   

     Scott admitted he was ashamed of his reaction.  Deep down, he knew he should be grateful for having a job, even though he was unhappy. Half the group was unemployed, including me. It had been a long haul and I was still pressing forward.  Knowing this, he wanted to understand something. How could I share Nancy's victory and be happy for her?

     It was a good question.  How could I be happy for her?  I recalled a time years earlier, during my first layoff, being told my challenges would build my character. (I also remembered wanting to slug the person who told me that!)  So, what had changed?  I changed. I learned to persevere.

     My reply to Scott? "I'm happy for her, sad for me, and filled with hope when I see someone else succeed." 

     Have you taken the time to monitor your reaction to the success of others? Are you happy or do you feel the creep of envy? When was the last time you took delight in watching others' achieve their goals? Do you trust that good things will happen to you, too? Would you like to be a better at waiting?  Persevering?  Would you be willing to support others while they wait?

     Yes, I wanted my dream job to fall in my lap. Yes, I wanted it now. Yes, I wanted an adventure.  Yes, I wanted the uncertainty to end. Yes, I was sad for me, and my loss.  Yes, I was happy for Nancy and her gain.

     Yes, I could've been envious.  But, where would that get me?

     I had a choice.  I choose to be happy for her and share her joy! Why not? I could borrow it for the moment, be in the moment, and control my life experience in that moment. AND reap a prize! Not only did it feel great to feel joy, I knew that if good things could happen to her, they could happen to me. There was hope.

     Did it change my circumstances?  No.  I was still unemployed at that moment. But, being envious wasn't going to change my circumstances either. In fact, envy could hurt my chances of getting a new job, not to mention my relationship with Nancy.  How?  By impacting my attitude.  I'd rather borrow the joy.  That impacts my attitude too!  For in the joy, lies the hope and motivation to persevere.

     Sometimes, life takes longer than you want. When things drag on for what feels like an eternity, persevere.  It leads to victory!  Long term and short term. It would be great if you could control all your circumstances. But you can't. Nobody can. But you can have positive experiences while you wait, if you choose to. 

     Position yourself for the best possible outcomes. Share in the joy and successes of others, no matter what's happening in your world. Pull their joy into yourself and let it be the fuel you need to persevere.

Have a great week filled with joyful moments.

What a cast of characters, each with our own story to tell. I started a consulting business after my second layoff. Two years into it, I realized I missed working with others so I was on the look out for the right opportunity.  Scott and his wife Cathy seemed to have it all; three kids, great jobs, and a happy marriage.  Mary just re-entered the workforce after getting dumped by her husband of 27 years.  Jim's plant just closed so he just started looking, and Nancy had landed her dream job.