Finding Your Direction

-Devlyn Steele

Deciding which direction to go in is a question we all struggle with at different times in our lives. Deciding doesn't end the struggle, we then question whether we should keep at it, take a new direction or stop all together. This is often the case as things get difficult. Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich states, "One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another."

Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had hung in there when pursuing one thing or another?  Could that job have worked out, the education you gave up, the relationship you ended, or would that business had made it if you had just hung in there? There are countless documented stories that describe people who faced seemingly overwhelming circumstances yet success was obtained beyond the point where a person wanted to quit but didn't. To highlight this point, Napoleon Hill tells a story about stopping three feet from gold.

In the story the uncle of R.U. Darby who caught gold fever in the gold rush back in the 1800's. He went west and did discover gold and laid a claim. Convinced he had a huge gold discovery he went back East to borrow money from family and friends to purchase mining equipment. Initially, the first load of ore proved that indeed the mine was one of the richest in Colorado. As they continued drilling their hopes of riches increased. However, all of a sudden it was as if the vein of gold disappeared. They continued to drill, however the work went without reward and no gold was to be found.

After much struggle and failure they decided to quit, and they sold their equipment to a junkman to recover as much of the borrowed money as they could and returned home. The junkman then sought out the advice of a mining engineer who said that the gold should be three feet further from where the drilling had stopped. The junkman drilled that three feet and did find the gold and made millions of dollars.

As the story is told there are two morals; first, if they had not quit and just dug three more feet that they would've had success. Many motivators tell this story as an example that you need to be determined and stick with it to be successful. The second moral, being you should seek expert council when it's available. Both are true, but is this the entire story of success, that if you stick with it or get advice you will make it? 

Unfortunately, it is not that simple and there are many other possible scenarios. In fact, let's rewrite the ending, and this time Darby's uncle stuck with the drilling and continued drilling for twenty years borrowing more and more money but there simply was no gold. Let's examine another ending, in that he received expert advice and the expert was a wrong and the gold was really twenty feet to the right and drilling straight down never yielded gold. 

There are so many different possible endings. Motivators who teach success discuss persistence and determination as the key, but there is no exact formula to life and each situation is different.

Imagine:

The boxer who we admire who can take a beating and stays in the fight never giving up. We admire his will and determination. Later we feel bad for the boxer who suffered from brain damage, wondering why he didn't know when to quit.

The businessman who struggles through hard times and makes it big is a great story. For every one of those stories there are many of stories of businessmen who didn't recognize when to quit and mortgaged everything to continue operating only to go under and lose everything.

The marriage that is dysfunctional and unhappy that never gets divorced, and stays that way.

In my private practice I get asked all the time by individuals in all sorts of situations should they stay in there, should they give it up, and if there is a different direction to go in? I never answer with, "keep at it you are three feet from gold." I'm not a cheerleading with , "Ra Ra Ra." Life is indeed complicated. I instead explore a person's real wants and match that up with their opinion of being realistic with looking at risks and rewards. What is it that a person can afford to sacrifice, and does it match the situation?  My goal is to help them make their decision, and no matter what they decide they will not always be right.

There is no generic advice to tell another person if they should keep at it or not. That decision is an individual choice based on individual circumstances. I have seen actors come out to Los Angeles chasing the dream and never building anything else in their life other than believing in their dream. I have seen the years go by and now they are in their 30's and 40's still chasing that dream. The determination doesn't guarantee success. In fact, it can destroy other success possibilities. There are plenty of people who make it and plenty more who do not. However, you just don't know who...

In life you will hang in there too long, you'll not hang in long enough; you'll chart new directions and make wrong turns along the way. You'll also hang in there long enough, quit when you should and turn in the right direction. Some advice you seek will be perfect and some will not.

There is no exact science and you need to ask yourself,

What do I really want?

Am I being realistic?

What are the risks?

What are the rewards?

Can I afford the risks?

Along with asking these questions seek expert advice and yes still be determined. Be determined to create success in your life because you will hit many roadblocks and setbacks. Success does take determination. It will come with many twists and turns but stay determined because it might not be what you original strived for, but keep going. If you are determined to be successful at life then keep at it and you will find your gold.