Frustration, That’s Life

Frustration is an emotion that occurs in situations where one is blocked

from reaching a personal goal. The more important the goal,

the greater the frustration. It is comparable to anger.

                                                                                                                       -Wikipedia

Frustration. No matter who you are, we all deal with situations that frustrate us.  You can’t escape it.  Frustration is really a sense of feeling stuck. It is a feeling that no matter what you do you won’t be able to influence the situation and change it.  You don’t have a sense of control.  It is like being stuck in a traffic jam.  You just feel like your life is not going in the direction you want.

You deserve not only better, but different.  After all, you’ve worked hard at a goal and it is not working out. You try and try and it still seems like things are not changing at your job, with your bank account, your weight has gone up--you feel like a rat on a wheel spinning around, going nowhere.

It doesn’t help when you pull up to the gas station and you have to go in debt to fill up your car.  The harder you work the less you have. At times, you feel at the end of your rope.  But before that frustration leads you to quit, or even worse get angry and possibly resort to violent behavior, there are steps you can take:

A first thing to do when you feel frustrated is simply take a breath.  Don’t let the feeling take over. Slow down.  Take deep slow breaths through your nose. Hold your breath for a few seconds; then breathe out slowly through your nose.  Do this a few times until you calm down.

Second, ask yourself, “Can I do anything about what is happening?”  If the answer is “No!” it’s time to change your focus. Remember that no matter what is going on, “My attitude is my decision.” You might not be able to control the situation, but you can control how you respond.

Change your focus from what is not working, that you cannot control, to a focus on your options. There are always options.  The question isn’t to list all the things that don’t work or are out of your control. But what can you do?  

Nothing at all?  Then you have to change your outlook.  One way to do this is to write out and recite a grateful list.  Why is changing the focus so important?  When you get frustrated that shuts down the brain and you can’t see any possibilities.  You will be surprised when you calm down and change your outlook how all of a sudden you find new and creative ways to handle yourself.

If the answer is “Yes,” you can do something, then it’s time to do things differently.  Often our frustration is because either we aren't taking action, or we take the same approach repeatedly even though it isn’t working.

Put a new action plan into effect. No matter how frustrating a situation is, when you start taking action you feel a new sense of control.

To create an action plan, ask:  What is working? What can I do differently? Or where can I get help?

Realize that you cannot control everything, but you can control you. With that control, you can effect positive change into your life.  You may not be able to change the price of gas, but you might be able to drive less, use public transportation, get a more efficient car, walk, earn more money--there is something you can do.  The question is not what you can’t do, but what you can do. 

So take that deep breath and smile. You know that no matter what you can make things more positive. For instance, next time you are in traffic, play that language tape you brought along to be prepared. Instead of feeling stuck, you'll spend the time learning. 

Keep a positive outlook. Instead of shutting down with frustration, you will find opportunities.