Overcome Your Dating Shyness

Do you consider yourself shy?  Do you walk around and say, “I wish I weren't shy so I could approach people.”

When I hear someone label themselves as “shy,” I know they are limiting their opportunities to meet and connect with people every day.  Being shy isn't a physical trait like having brown eyes ... you can eliminate it and overcome it.

Here are four tips to help you forever overcome your dating shyness:

1. Eliminate Shyness From Your Identity: If someone asks you if you're shy, what is your answer?  Do you say “Yes, I am a shy person.”  When you say that, you are accepting that being shy is just part of who you are – that it's part of your identity.  By you telling yourself (and others) that you are a shy person, you negatively affect your own mindset.  It is very limiting.  One of the first, and most important ways to overcome shyness is to be conscious about eliminating it as part of your identity.  One way to get to that place is to speak about yourself as if you've already overcome your shyness.  The next time someone asks you if you're shy, you can say “I am no longer a shy person.”  As you continue to say this, you will believe it. 

1. Stop Listening To The Monkey Chatter In Your Head: What goes on in your head and what do you think about when you feel shy?  Do a whole bunch of different thoughts go through your your mind like monkey chatter you hear at the Central Park Zoo?  Do you think that you can't talk to members of the opposite sex because you're shy?  Do you believe that people next to you think negative things about you because of your shyness, or about how you look or anything else about you?  You need to stop listening to all of this negative talk in your head.  Be aware of when your perception about a situation comes solely from these negative thoughts in your head, and then consciously choose to ignore them.  You need to stop speculating and assuming things based on the negative chatter in your head.  It will lead you astray every time.   

1. Realize You're Not Being Judged: Do you ever refrain from approaching someone because you are worried what people around you will think?  Are you worried that they will think you're strange, or pathetic, or a failure, or that they will make fun of you if you approach a member of the opposite sex?  You need to realize that people around you are not talking about you or thinking about you at all.  They aren't because they are doing exactly what you are doing, i.e., thinking about themselves and what is going on in their own lives.  They may be worrying just like you about their own problems, their own issues and, maybe, about their own shyness.  Have you ever been standing in a grocery checkout line next to someone you'd love to talk to but don't because you don't want to be judged by those around you?  These people are not judging you.  They are thinking about how miserable they are in their job, how they weren't happy with the latte they were served that morning and how long it's taking them to get through that grocery line.  The only person judging you on your shyness is you.  The only person thinking about the thoughts in your head is you. 

1. You Hold The Power To Overcome Your Own Shyness: The truth is that being shy is all about your own thoughts about yourself.  It's not about anything or anyone else.  The good news about this is that you are not stuck being shy ... you have the power to overcome your shyness.  Once you understand this, you then decide to take the necessary action to overcome your shyness.  You have the power to open your mouth and say hello to anyone.  Being shy means you are judging yourself.  It means you judge yourself to be unworthy and incapable of meeting and attracting the opposite sex which is totally untrue.  You need to accept your life.  You need to accept yourself for who you are and what you're all about, then go out and talk to others with that confidence. When you stop judging yourself, you will no longer feel shy.

Once you understand what being shy really is and how it has been controlling you, you can take control of your mind and your emotions and eliminate it from your life permanently.  Don't let a poor mindset hold you back from meeting and connecting with people every day. 

All the power to you,