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Women: Why Men Don't Want You To Play Too Hard To Get - Article from our Life Coaching Programs
You know what's interesting? For some reason or other, a lot of women believe that men like "the chase" and so they will deliberately create a chase. What I mean by "creating a chase" is that they will play emotionally unavailable or play hard to get.
What happens most of the time when women do this, however, is that men will stop chasing. The guys who don't stop chasing are generally the guys who just want to sleep with these women so they can be the guy who wins the chase.
One of the biggest misconceptions women have about men, is that men like the chase and like women who play hard to get. The truth is, though, that the only guys who enjoy women who play hard to get are the guys who just want to "get" them so they can sleep with them.
Now when I talk about women playing at being emotionally unavailable, I am not suggesting that women ought to dump all their feelings on guys the second they meet (because this WILL cause men to run for the hills). So it's actually true that men DO like the chase . . . but not in a way that women may understand.
The kind of chase we like is what I call "encouragement chase." Let me give you an example of this when I go and meet a woman. Let's say I'm dating a woman and I text her. When I do that, I want a text back from her within an hour or two, not two days later. Two days later to me shows that she is playing games, and I am going to lose interest. It also shows that she is not worthy of me paying attention to her. That's exactly what I'm thinking in that situation.
For another example, let's say I call a woman on the phone on Monday and leave her a message telling her I've got a great idea for something for us to do that weekend that I want to run by her, and she doesn't return my call until Thursday. She's basically telling me she's not very interested. Not only that, if when she calls back on Thursday she asks me what my weekend idea is, then it means that she is playing games. It also means that she is going to lose me.
If I'm going to go and invest my interest in a woman, I want her to reciprocate an equal interest in me. So taking my 'great idea for the weekend' phone call as an example, I want a woman who will call me back that night and say "Really? What is it?" Then I'm going to want to keep things moving along with her, because what I'm doing is laying out a game of cat and mouse -- I want to see whether or not you're going to take the bait, and whether you're going to to run with it.
If you're available to me when I ask you out, that's wonderful. Granted, if in the beginning you're available to me 24/7 then I'm not going to be interested. The encouragement chase I want is you being interested in what I'm presenting to you. If you are not expressing interest in what I'm presenting to you in an effort to make me chase you, I'm going to go and find somebody else every time.
So this whole concept of how guys feel about "the chase" is something that most women don't understand. What you need to remember is very simple. If a guy calls you, call him back. If a guy texts you, text him back. If a guy comes up with something interesting he wants to do with you, be excited about that. With all of these, just think about the way that you feel when men do certain things. If a man makes you wait four days after a date to hear from him, you know he's not interested in you (and that you are no longer interested in him).
Be a little more open to things and learn this little secret. Remember, guys are just gigantic Scooby Doos. Give us the ball, we'll chase after it. Throw too far, we may not chase after it anymore.
All the power to you.
Great article.. gives us lots to think about!
A friend once told me all she wanted was to find a guy who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him!
Sounds easy but let's face it.. it is not quite that simple.
Not going to get into other factors here, but I do believe that men and women are different as to what makes them attracted to the opposite sex. Men more visual, women more emotional, especially in the beginning.
Playing games with each other.. does not work for me anymore.. honesty, truthfulness, and lots of talking.. good talking.. making sure we express what we want and feel in a way the other person really understands what we are saying are key.
Just my 50 cents !!! Wishing you all the happiness you seek! and the love of your life!!
Michael
Wonderful revelations about men and "the chase". As a woman I have to say that I just don't want to waste my time guessing intentions and so I am kind of at a quandary with boyfriend of one year. For all intended purposes he is attentive giving and honest to a fault but sometimes I just give up trying to add to the conversation aspects of my life that either concern me or are serious or call for a deep conversation because his reaction to the few...and I mean few because I am pretty self reliant and relaxed...ends up being a diversion tactic like holding the phone to his cat so I can hear it's purr (what's that about?) or says something to placate me (almost like,"there, there have a kitty treat"). I really like him but will sometimes not return calls just because they seem superficial. Oh, and I have tried to verbally address this with no satisfying resolution. Okay, Men, what's going on?
Allzen, I might be able to help some....
From my experience with my boyfriend of over a year, he uses the phone only to keep in touch with me, not as a communication tool to discuss feelings, emotions, or deep conversations. This might be because he perfers face to face interaction for those things. At first I used to hang by the phone waiting for him to call. And if he didn't, I got upset with him and made sure he knew by telling him that I was upset. What I didn't do was explain to him why I felt upset when he didn't call. My Suggestion would be to try and explain to your guy that you enjoy talking to him ( assuming you do) on the phone but it you feel as if he doesn't when he creates distractions while you are attempting to have a serious coversation. Another suggestion mught be to prepare him for what you would like to discuss when you first greet each other on the phone. Mention to him you have something important on your mind and ask him if he can take a minute to hear what you have to say ( now), or if you can meet somewhere to talk about it. This will indicate if he prefers the face to face I was talking about earlier.
Not calling him back at all though might not be a good signal to him and he will withdraw from you. If you've been dating over a year, it's a good time to decide if this guy is the one you want to make more time with, or if you feel it's time to date others...
Hope this helps some and good luck!
Thanks, Marie, sound advice there! I'll try mentioning to him that I have something on my mind and ask if he wants to talk about it later...at least give him the dignity to choose to respond and that way I am also being active and not passive. I like that...feels better than avoiding the issue. Basically, I don't want him to solve my stuff but leave me with the feeling that I have a voice that is heard. Thanks.