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created by: Tam Hey Everyone,
I have trouble finding the new postings on here sometimes; for the person who posted it took 10 years to forgive....I don't want to have it be like that for me but it sounds like it took a apology for you to finally forgive?? What about those of us who will never get a apology and it slaps us in the face every day? What advice do others have on letting go of feeling angry??
Don't wait for an apology, I know its like one of those times when your parents say. . . "do as I say and not as I do," but you can't let it slap you in the face everyday.
What finally made me forgive was my perception of being vindicated. I finally felt like wow she really messed up and she finally admited to it, but letting go of the anger was my own choice. I knew that she messed up. Why did I have to wait ten years and an apology to not let it bother me? To be honest, she did me a favor. I could have still been with her, miserable as all hell, but now I have a chance to find happiness with a much better person.
THe point of the ten years story is that you are going to stop being angry at some point. Believe it or not, YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ANGRY. You can choose to let go of the anger in 10 minutes, 10 months or 10 years.
There's the rub, it's a choice. In a way you have to trick yourself. You have to trick yourself into believing they apologized(assumng they never will) You have to believe that you are better off without him or her.
In essence you have to dig deep and let go of the anger before you get an apology, otherwise you're just going to make things harder for yourself for the next ten years. Is that what you want or is that what they wanted? If you being angry and miserable is what the other person wanted, then if you chose to remain angry and miserable--They win.
This person did you a favor. Now you can find someone to be happy with, but you can't do that if you keep holding on to the anger and resentment. I hope that helps.
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I must have missed your comment or wasn't notified that you commented so I am just seeing it for the first time. You speak a lot of wisdom and I agree with everything you are saying but still having trouble "tricking" myself. Like I said it slaps me in the face everyday, not the loss of him (I know I am better off)but all the financial issues he caused that I am still dealing with. That is why I feel angry. I am working very hard toward forgiveness every day but do you want to hear something just completely stupid? I was much farther than I am now in the tools program but when it got to the day I was supposed to write a letter and forgive I couldn't do it. So I asked the coach to start me over at day one because I thought that I had not made any progress if I couldn't get through that day. What I did realize was I actually did make a lot of progress, I am a more positive person and I am able to put my anger aside more than I ever could before. But it is still there and I have been unable to forgive which I know is in my best interest. I can say I forgive but feel in my heart that I have not. Anyway, I hope you are doing well and thank you for the good advice!
