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Join Now Someone Always There: My girlfriend of 4 years and i have been fighting alot lately.im at a wall and need s
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Started On: 05/11/09
Last Activity: 05/23/09
Comments: 2 comments

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Celticmoon
Celticmoon		 joyeverlasti
joyeverlasting7

peelin created by: peelin

My girlfriend of 4 years and i have been fighting alot lately.im at a wall and need s

My girlfriend of 4 years and i have been fighting alot lately. i relley love her and want to try anything i can to keep it togeater.Heres the problem we both have alot of the same issues with eachother and no one wants to see wheres the others comming from. shes constantly telling me what (she thinks)is wrong with me and that i need to fix it but as shes telling me this shes doing the exact thing she says i need to work on (i.e. yelling,talking down to me, extremly demanding, not being supportive, putting words in my mouth etc.) and doesnt believe shes doing any of this. this puts me on the defensive and thats where to fighting gets bad.  im at a wall in this relationship but i relley love her. thats why im here ......any suggestions are appreciated.

 

 

Comments

 

 
 
Celticmoon

  Celticmoon

Sat, May 23 06:41 AM

Break out of the cylcle - added: Sat, May 23 06:41 AM

You may be going around in circles and one idea is to break out of the circle.  Set up a meeting at a calm place (not your home) with your girlfriend and someone as a moderator, a strong but friendly presence that you trust, someone that can fairly and non-judgementally guide you through a discussion where both you and your girlfriend can air your views and find mutually agreeable solutions to every grievance you each have.  The moderator will keep the discussion on track and prevent it from crumbling into a shouting match.  Go to this meeting absolutely prepared and professional, each make a list of what you want to discuss and ensure that you have evidence to back up any accusations or problems, be 100% honest,do not make things up and do not be petty.  Ensure that there is no room for un-necessary personal attacks on each other - get your moderator to lay down the ground rules.  It can be a painful, nerve wracking  experience,and requires courage to face, but you should come out the other side much stronger with a very clear map for the future of your relationship.

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joyeverlasting7

  joyeverlasting7

Wed, May 20 11:53 AM

Hope this helps - added: Wed, May 20 11:53 AM

Humans usually do see in others what needs fixed in themselves. It sounds like you need a neutral 3rd party to be a mediator. Is she open to something like this? Maybe someone you both trust like a pastor or counselor? That way it takes the me or I factor out of it. 

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