Basically, all my friends have either dissapeared without a trace to university or have turned against me. Recently i fell out with my best friend, it wasnt a good friendship and part of me could never trust her. I thought, maybe i should get some new friends. But thats harder said than done, i dont know how to make friends. Im happy, fun, smiley and i gota sense of humour how come i cant make friends? I can meet people easy enough at work, but theyre all older than me, like much older. Theres no people my age. And even if there was one or two, they see me as a collegue not a friend. I'm quite lonely, i split up with my boyfriend after a horrible ending and i dont think another relationship is what i need, i need to be happy in myself. And friends help you get through the worst of times. I want to be there for someone else, i want to care for someone, hang out and have fun, cheer them up when theyre down. I have a couple of guy friends...sort of. But one has admitted he is in love with me! Which is not what i want. I told him straight i wasnt looking for relationship and that i just wanted a friend. I need a girl mate but i cant find one. Help?
Sun, Jan 03 09:13 AM
I definatly know how you're feeling. My senior year of college I had a falling out with my best friend of 16 years. I went home, examined the situation, and came to the conclusion that we were now 2 different people. At one point we were lke brothers but I felt like I was being held back and on occasion, used.
It's a tough thing to go through and I got to the point where you are, where I ddn't have a whole lot of friends. Around the same time, I re-connected with people I hadn't really spoken to and by hanging out with them, made a whole new set of friends.
My advice to you, try to reconnect with some old friends- this might be a little easier now with Facebook. Maybe even re-examine some of these people who you feel have turned against you.
I would also reccomend joining some community groups or local non-profits. You can volunteer your time to help someone less fortunate and meet new people at the same time.
Regarding your guy friend that has recently professed his feelings for you; go easy on him. I've been in his shoes before and it's not a great place. He's shown you all his cards and is probably feeling a little embarassed right now. You've made your feelings clear, which is a good thing. I would expalin to him you really aren't ready to get involved with anyone right now because you are trying to work on yourself a bit. Tell him you value his friendship and really who's to say in a year or so that your feelings toward him will change?
I've rambled enought :) Take care and keep your chin up.
Sat, Dec 26 11:58 PM
Sorry you are feeling alone. It is hard and it can feel bad, but as the others said- keep going and keep yourself involved in things you enjoy. That is where you will find new friends- sharing like interests.
If you are having trouble connecting you might try your local recreation department or schools. Also, google meetup. It is an online site that lets you find activities in your area. It offers a broad spectrum from sports and exercise to concerts and lessons and wine clubs, etc. Pretty vast, I cannot list them all.
Try to not take the loss too personally even tho that is easier said than done. Remember to account for the fact that there are numerous influences dictating who comes and goes in our lives and moving on out of your own need for better relationships is a huge positive !
Fri, Dec 25 09:56 AM
I think sometimes you have to make the break from people who are unhealthy for you; as they will continue to bring you down. I think you did the right thing if you feel that it was not a good friendship and you could not trust the person.
It is really hard to meet new people. I agree with KevRob that developing friendships at work can mean trouble for you.
What I find helps to develop friendships is to get yourself out there. Go outside your "safe zone" so that you meet people who are worthy of you. Go to the mall, the library, concerts, community happenings etc. Check out local groups that you might be interested in. Take a class at the community college.
Hang in there, things will get better!
Sun, Dec 20 07:22 AM
yeah it does thanks alot. :) some good advice!
Sat, Dec 19 09:04 PM
I can understand your thoughts about not having friends, I've been there too! Best to be yourself let the universe bring new friends to you and say positive affirmations like friends are every where I am friendly people will be attracted me bacause I am positive. This type of affirmation should help you get through as I know myself now randomly people come into my life all the time. I hope this helps.