Sorry for not posting for awhile! Things are getting crazy with classes starting up again, not that thats an excuse but I know you've really missed my venting and rambling messages so here I am! Creating a thread at 1 in the morning. . .
It's funny how I have gone through my ENTIRE life with very low self-esteem,always putting myself down with negative thoughts, and then today I looked at photos of myself, and I'm more critial with myself than I need to be.
I used to compare myself to victoria secret models on tv, yeah I know they're probably the 1% who actually look like that. I think the worst part in this tremondous journey I've had is that I would look at myself and hate the person who stared back. I would be soo disgusted with how I looked. I'm not just talking about weight but every little feature.
Something tools has given me that no diet or exercise video has is the abiltiy to believe in myself. To have faith, visualize, and KNOW I can make the results I want happen. I could never see myself thinner, so I never lost weight. I can see now the mistakes I've made in the ways i think.
I'm figuring out that this is the only body and life I have and I need to start taking care of it. I'm learning how to love myself, for the first time. Not being over-dramatic, I can't remember a time when I did not obsess about how fat I was, how ugly I was, I could go on and on. Even when I was really really young, I was always self-concious. So I don't know just feels good to have a realtionship with myself:)
I think I've had my share of putting out my personal stuff and issues...I took a nap today after I had work so this isn't my usual time for blogging. *Even though I've had tons of sleepless nights trying to think of what I want to post here. It's just that there is now 9 members in this group, and I think I need to up my game a little. People don't join here to get help or support or anything, they obviously join to read my posts.*
I don't know how to make sure people know I'm just kidding besides putting stars there...
Mon, Aug 20 12:04 AM
Well first of all, I think it's really cool that you do dog rescue. It's something I really would like to do in the future.
So, I can't say I have a lot of experience in those kind of things... but I guess it always comes to debating the quality of life for the dog and the safety of others. What is the truely "best" decision? Whichever way you go it doesn't seem to have great benefits. And yeah, it's not fair. That's rough having to put down one not alone three dogs within one year. The only thing you can take from this is that atleast with the time you had with the dogs you gave them love and care in the last days of their life and made them as comfortable as you could. This dog may have to be put down, but it always gives you the chance to save another. I hope this made things just a tiny bit better!
i was a bit emotional when i wrote that...so i wasn't clear. i kinda meant the keeping her alive part. she has to suffer (and i along with her) for 15 days when it is obvious she is in constant distress. i understand it's the law...so i was trying to come up with a thought that made the suffering ok.
Okay I get it now. I've had my share of emotional posts but people have NO idea what I'm talking about, but I usually feel better after I send it! It's good that you got it off your chest!
And sometimes it's hard to see the silver lining, in the end everything will be alright
Sun, Aug 19 07:03 AM
i joined to look at the pic. then it was your posts...lol
not many people find ways to post a hand and have it be cool. anyway...
i'm happy for you. the relationship with yourself thing..that is a big one. congrats!
so...i want to pose a question and see what comes back at me. i think i announced before that i do dog rescue. and btw...i adopt pit bulls almost exclusively. i have currently two pits and one non-pit. the non-pit has turned violent, tore up my oldest boy (dog) and nearly killed him. she has bitten me twice and the baby (pit) once. i have had her evaluated. what she does is frightening. it seems she has some undiagnosed neurological condition going on because she pulls her hair out, chases things that aren't there, and went blind.
she was my first foster dog and ended up being back with me three years later. because of the circumstances, she cannot be treated as any medication will lower her bite inhibition. she's sick. she's not a bad dog. so, by law she has to clear 15 days without biting any humans and then on the 28th i have to take her in and let her go. she is the third dog i have had to pts in a year's time. my blind beagle from pain, my girl pit from cancer...and now this one.
if you believe that everything is as it should be and all is right...where does this fit? where is the beauty in loving and caring for a dog for twelve days so tht you can then kill them? it wouldn't matter if she was sick or not. that's her third bite (her first was my ex) and she is a chow mix...meaning she wasn't supposed to get three. where is there something to be gained? i can always find the beauty in things...but not this time. this feels like a horrible sentence for us both. what is the thought that would make this an ok thing? or even a good thing?