“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
– Howard Beale (Peter Finch), Network (1976)
Seeing Red? Try this…
You just woke up, and in less than 10 minutes you’ve stubbed your toe, realized you’re out of toothpaste, can’t seem to get enough water pressure to rinse all of the shampoo out of your hair, and as soon as you hit the on-ramp to the freeway for work… DEADLOCKED.
Are you seeing red yet?
It’s no secret, we all have days that just don’t start out the way we want them to, bosses that have equally bad days and take out their frustration on us, partners who forget to put the toilet seat down, or replace the empty roll of toilet paper…
For some of us, the anger can get so bad that we literally see red, for others it just means we get really quiet and give those around us the cold-shoulder.
The question this week, is what things never cease to make you angry? No matter how hard you try, no matter how intensely you want to just let the issue roll off your shoulders, what gets under your skin so bad that you just can’t control yourself?
Go on, get it off your chest – Just keep it clean please ;-)
To the contrary: I try to be authentic at the moment and when I feel anger I let it out. It has been too long for me to keep it inside. I am a very calm person and at the moment it is much harder for me to tell people what I want from them than to keep it inside.
So: Happily living authentic! ;)
my father in law.
I think he is socially inappropirate, and very unconsiderate. He prizes himself as a very polite japanese man, but he is a fake overzelaous one. Never listen to what you have to say, never does what you kindly ask him to do (or not to do).
I tried everything to keep calm, and I generally succeed, because I know that if I pop it would be bad for the family and my little one...but it's not good for my liver!
my solution is to avoid him, by all means. he lives on the other side of the earth, so that's not difficult, but I limit our interactions by phone to mere "how are you? yes, my husband is here". I don't want to share anything more with this man.
he hurt me really badly in the past (of course he thought he was right) and I don't intend to repeat the experience.
so he remains my husband's father, and I respect him for that, but I really don't like him as a person.
It doesn't really matter what makes me angry but how I handle it. I can see all the things that make me mad and angry now and if there negative I can laugh at them and if there positive I can learn from them. So what am I doing to keep myself balanced. I am
training my brain to let go of those moments of anger. So I can have room in my thoughts for my daily goal or goals.
And I see those goals clearly no matter how hard they may feel or seem when I set them. I know I can do them because I am no longer afraid of them. I make them part of my day set routine just like brushing my teeth or and doing my daily affirmations.
I know it is a part of life that makes me a better person. So when anger comes I can take a look at it and not react to it. But learn from it.
It makes me angry when my little sister leaves all the lights on, all her stuff laying everywhere, and gets all the good stuff without doing anything to earn it.
The way my husband interacts with his ex. He'll tell me one thing and then do the opposite with her and that really hurts and makes it hard for me to trust him. But we've addressed the issue and he is working through some issues and hopefully this will be resolved soon. I just have to bite my tongue when he mentions something about her or his kids. I don't have any respect for her because I feel he puts her wants before my needs. But now that we are aware of the situation and it's very, very negative consequences, we're on track to overcoming it and that's a good thing.
When people fail to use common sense when dealing with each other .
I live in a rented house and there are some situations there that makes me get angry even when i promised myself that i wouldn't allow them to.
The most annoying one is having the wind blow all in its path into the house after i finish cleaning. That makes me real mad.
one thing that I have a really hard time controling my temper with is deliberate disrespect.
I concider myslef a pretty easy going person but I hate it when people dis-respect me.
Belittling me is probably the worst. But I also cant stand being taken advantage of.
I'm pissed right because my body is not cooperating with me. I want to feel good, have a positive attitude and take on the day, but I have this flu, or sinus infection or something and it pretty miserable. Its very, very hard to stay motivated feeling like this.
I don't know if this will help, but one of the things Coach Steele teaches in the Tools Course is that it is useless to be angry or "pissed" with regard to those things that we cannot control.
You said you have a flu or sinus infection, but what can you do to control it? Not much,right?
You can let yourself focus on it, or you can accept that your body is sick and that it is trying to repair itself, and dismiss it to focus on the other things that are important in your day...
Like trying to remain motivated and focused despite having to blow or wipe your nose every 2 minutes ;-)
I think It's important to keep your blinders on and try and remain productive when we're forced to endure things we don't want but cannot control.
I totally lose my cool at work when a co-worker undermines me. Another situation is when a supervisor ignores me when I am trying to convey vital medical information about a patient in my care or does not give me the professional courtesy that I deserve. Frankly that latter disrespect is unprofessional and unexcusable.
I have a hard time dealing with criticism. Nothing makes me lose my cool worse than when people tell me (and ofen they are VERY nice about it) I'm doing something incorrectly, or that for such a smart person I'm bein stupid (my words, not necessarily theirs), or that I'm not living up to their expectations.
I'm intelligent and conscious enough to realize that these people are only trying to help me get ahead, and pushing me to perform better and make better choices, but I still get defensive, and when I get defensive, I tend to go straight to "seeing red."
In the future I think I need to focus more on the fact that I choose to trust these people, and love these people, and that they're only trying to help me become the person I WANT to be. I'd like to learn to be more mindful of the message(s) my friends and family are trying to impart on me, and deal away with the defensiveness.
I'm an innate learner, constantly hungry to learn something new. This behaviour of getting defensive and lashing out whenever someone tries to provide constructive criticism or help me keep focused flies in the face of my passion and most everything I believe in.
I really want to learn to do away and listen and accept criticism without getting angry. Just not sure what the next step is.
The one situation that is very difficult for me to get past is the feeling of not being heard or being ignored. My husband and I are working hard on this one because my issues with this is mainly in our relationship.
I am generally a very understanding person and I'm not demanding. But when my husband and I are in one of those situations, I shut down and get quiet but I am steaming inside. Then he gets upset because now HE's feeling ignored. He'll open the floor for discussion and press to reslove the conflict. I hesitate, can't look at him, and hold it in, then feel my anger rising. My heart beats faster. I notice that I start breathing differently and at times like that, I just want to leave because I don't know if we will argue which I don't want to do. I'm thinking to myself, "I don't want to feel this way about him. About us. I don't want to do this. I just want it to go away."
I know that holding it in causes deeper problems so I finally give in while he patiently waits to resolve the issue. He keeps calm but with a slightly elevated tone but I'm like a wind up steam engine toy! Once I get started, it escalates into being loud and then ends in tears. I HATE feeling all of that but when it's all over, we are glad that we talked because it always ends with more understanding.
...But I can't stand feeling angry like that although I know we will reach an understanding. It's hard for me to voice it because of the initial fear.
I am so identifying with you right now. My husband had one of these, again last night. I evn wrote in my list to respect his decisions and try to laugh at the negatives. I have been at this relationship for 33 years and still feel ignored and disrespected. I have read self help books etc. falsely expecting him to fulfill some need ...he just can't do. So to be emotionally healty, I have decided to get other friends and outlets. I also got honest and told him I was struglling with selfishness for his time and itwas ruining my spiritual life and asked him to pray with me that I woud not feel jealous of his time, or be too sensitive and get hurt for no reason... He ended up praying he would be more sensitive to his needs. So this is a hot topic for me. Asking him to help me with my emotions and feelings in a mutually spiritual way helped a alot.