kmcm:

sounds like

Someone really doesnt want help... sounds like they just want you to do it for them.

No wonder you are a bit P-O'd.  Next time, say, "I haven't a clue as to what I can do to help, but I have faith in you... you'll get it worked out!". 

See where that goes???????

Happy Journey!!!!

paperqueen:

Control

Well, one of the things I'm learning is you can only control/ "help" yourself.  If someone is asking you to help them and then they don't take any initiative or see any value in your assistance, all you can do is let them know you would love to help them, but the ball is really in their court.  When someone truly wants to change they will take action and appreciate your friendship.  In the meantime, I suggest you work on what you want to do for yourself to make your day better and let your loved one know you are through making suggestions; that he/she should take some action now.   If the problem is serious abuse then I would suggest getting outside help/counseling and taking admant steps to protect your family.

lunagolden:

The great frustration...

We have all been there.  It is hard to understand, but one thing I have learned (and I am sure this is often a gender thing) is that often when my partner starts to tell me her problems, she isnt asking for help. She is asking me to listen.  I have to work very hard (often unsuccessfully) to not offer suggestions, but to be a quiet, compassionate ear.

Now I know in your case you are being asked specifically for help, but maybe that is the way your person feels they get you to listen.  I may be way off but one way you might feel less frustrated is if - when next asked to help - you try to let your person talk it out, without providing suggestions, or if they say what do you think, flip it around and ask them how they see the solution to the problem.

This may not apply, but I wanted to share just in case.

Good luck

Gary_R:

Hmmm I thought I was the only one with this problem

I have tried a good portion of the suggestions in a couple relationships, the just listening thing, telling them they need to fix it, there is always some way for them to string you along.

First though, offer them the chance to be a sounding board for their ideas, but ask them to be a sounding board for yours.  Allow them to go first.  Common courtesy will tell you whether or not to try the following. 

Until I figured this little one out I wasted way too much of my life on a really frustrating person. Shouldn't take you longer then a week to get them to a decision point, and you can move on with your life.

1. Ask them if they need help (I know just bare with me) then say ok, how about a "momentum check" or some variation on the concept for the situation.  Then offer that to them daily, BUT do not offer any adivice.  That is step one (it lets you in enough for the next step).  Agree to a fixed amount of time for this (project completed or not)

2. After about two weeks(what ever you decide) up the ante. You should again agree to the time period up front, and also make sure they have the option to stop being held accountable at any time).  Ask them if they would like to continue it but do it for you as well, but this time as an accountability partner.  This time because you want to make some real changes, you want to make the meetings shorter so both of you have enough time to get what is needed. WARNING: They will just think its going to be like it was, you doing all the work).  

ALSO: Make sure if the time alloted due to other life circumstances is not adequate which if change has been too slow that is likely the case, no biggie.  Also make it an exercise at seeing reality for what it is, to create more realistic goals. 

3. Day one, you start holding them accountable, that will work no more then I would say about 2 days, as you continue to hold them accountable and they start to drop the ball, they will make more and more excuses.  Don't let this drag on too long, the next time they wont look you in the eye (no more then 24 hours).  Simply give them the option of saying NO I don't want to do this anymore (you will have to give them those exact words), and you will get them to face their lack of commitment in that area.

(Remember you are asking for no more then what you put in, and you are not asking for perfection, life dosnt work perfectly so you shouldnt expect it, make sure they don't expect it from you, and appoligize accordingly). 

Things will "Get Real" if you decide to make use of it.  Its up to you.