I am 30 years old and live in belfast, Northern Ireland with my young daughter and husband.

I have suffered from depression for a long time. I think I can trace my symptoms back to my teenage years. I am not entirely sure of the cause. I was diagnosed 4 years agao and have been on medication ever since, apart from during my pregnancy. I am overweight and I know that at present this has alot to do with my depression.

For a long time I feel like i have been treading water. When I am well I keep my head above water and stay afloat. However i never actually getvery far. When I am ill, I slip under the water, from sheer exhaustion and occasionally it feels like I'll never come back up.

When I am well I am happy, motivated and outgoing. However when I am not I am apathetic, irrational, stressed and sad. Like most depression sufferers I hate being this way. I have a beautiful daughter, and gorgeous supportive husband and feel very undeserving of them. I want so much to be the best mother and partner I can be. I chose to leave work when my daughter was born and be a stay at home mum. However being a 'housewife' is not as easy as I thought it would be. My house is a mess and I am extremely disorganised. The ironic thing is that when I am well, I am the person people looks to to be organised and get things done.

I am an artist in my spare time and would love to make some sort of living from it at some point, but right now I have no discipline what so ever.

I don't go out, at all, if I can help it. If I have to be somewhere I will go (mostly) but usually I try not to go out and hide myself away. This is not good for my daughter, or me.I get paranoid that people are staring at me, scared that I will meet someone I know and have to have a conversation and I feel nervous and uncomfortable. 

I am a bright, beautiful (but overweight) very intelligent, creative and loving person. I just need to get that person on the outside and start living my life.

I am the eldest of 3 children from a remarriage. My parents are still together and relatively happy. I have an elder sibling from my Dad's previous marraige who I have a good relationship with.

My childhood was stable and happy within my family unit. I had problems with bullying from the age of 7 to the age of 14. This has left quite an emotional scar.

I am close to my family. This wasn't always the case though. I was a 'problem' teenager. I didn't do anything illegal and probably nothing most teenagers don't do but, I was the first in my family and it was a shock to my parents.  My relationship with my mother all but broke down entirely. I left home when I was 19 and have since built that relationship back up again with my mother. But it has taken a long time. I still feel as if she prefers my sister to me.

My father and I have an odd relationship. It's good. We are both artist so have that in common. My mum has always said I take after him in personality, but usually only the bad traits.  He is a very introverted person and can be very selfish.

I love both my parents dearly and they are incredibly patient and understanding now.

My relationships with my younger sister and brother are good. I am very close to my sister, she is my best friend. We do argue but not often. I do feel inferior to her alot. My brother and I aren't as close but we are good friends.

I want to be a brilliant Mother.

I want to be a brilliant partner.

I want to be a brilliant home maker.

I want to be a brilliant artist. 

I want to be a brilliant person.

I want to be organised.

I want to be productive.

I want to be outgoing.

I want to be confident.

I want to like myself.

I want to be happy.