Hi, guest!
Join Now
Login
Password

forgotten your password?

Join Now View Big.B's Shares
 
Big.B
# # # #

Birth Date: Fri, Sep 03 1971

Place of residence:
Fullerton California, United States (map)

I am: Married

Schools:

Jobs:

update »

#

Certificates:
Tools Program Stats:
Member Since: 11/11/08
Last Login: 12/09/10
Viewed: 14045
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 3
Big.B's Challenges:

Big.B's Participating:
Personal Interests:
Music:
Books:
Favorite Places:
I Want To See:
Hobbies:
Activities:
Sports:
Movies:
 
TV:
Heroes:
I Want To Meet:
update »
Tools Goal List:

Areas In My Life I Want To Work On

Skills I Am Interested In

I Suffer From

update »
Big.B's Life List:
To own a home
Dental overhaul!
Take a vacation to the mountains with my wife and 2 boys.
To fly a helicopter
To ride (my motorcycle) cross country, & take plenty of time to do/enjoy it
update »
Trying!

 

 

1
cheers
cheer it
Big.B AddThis Social Bookmark Button

  Big.B

Mon, Jun 21 02:18 PM

Trying!

 

I am                 lost. I feel paralyzed. Whenever I sit down to write a post or blog or ask a question or even to write in my journal I just lock up. My mind goes blank then it goes in every direction at the same time then blank again, over & over. This ongoing frustration of many emotions & racing thoughts all at the same time has to have a solution & an end somewhere. Right? This shit can't last forever. I feel like basket case, I'm trying to see the forest only the trees keep jumping in my way.

Can't quit tho, can't give up. Over and over throughout my day I go back & forth between giving up hope & being strong, I feel like I'm gonna snap. It's hard to look at the mirror, I see so much good, such a good person yet feel like such a monster for thinking about myself even though I'm not happy. It would be very nice if I could just get a break from my head tho, just for a little bit, it's not a very nice place to be.

# Comment (2) # View (278) # Show support

# Tags:

 

This post is cheered by:



 

comments

paperqueen paperqueen: 2010-07-11 14:50:47

says:

Sending you a hug Sending you a hug

 

Hey! You just shared your journal entry! You wrote! Very courageous and honest. Are you remembering to take small steps, that our journey continues in fits and starts? Reflection, introspection, not always a pretty sight, but try to calmly examine what's happening .  As Coach Steele says, when you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, if it is false, say the opposite. If it is true, what small beginning step can you take to change it?

 

It sounds like you have a lot of racing thoughts and anxiety. Have you taken steps to discuss this with a doctor? Perhaps learn meditation or breathing techniques to quiet your mind? Could caffeine be a culprit? I suggest you hold on to that good person and then focus on positive changes to flick that pesky "monster" off your shoulder. Just as you train in weight-lifting to improve your body , train your brain to make your  positive qualities stronger. You have a nice smile. Keep smiling!