letting urself down.

today is day 27. i feel like i have let myself down a bit. im supposed to be here everyday working on myself and i have been slipping quite a bit lately. days go by without notice. time is ticking by so fast. with the wedding approaching so fast, im excited, and scared that somethings not going to go as planned. so im a bit nervous. i find myself sometimes just starring off into space....it doesnt seem like that big of a deal until im in the middle of a conversation with someone and i just stare...not a care in the world, not thinking about anything at all. just a blank stare then i catch part of the conversation when they're asking me if im okay or listening.

todays lesson is about expecting things. i dont really expect to much out of life anymore. ive learned the hard way that there wont be someone to hold ur hand and baby you through life. i have to be an adult and look at things realistically. one of my major disappointments in life is that i didnt get a chance to finish college right out of high school. durring high school i was awarded a scholarship to attend college while in high school and of course i would never pass something like that up...to my surprise i loved it. and i knew what i wanted to do with my life...now here i am with no college degree. i get angry with my mom..maybe a bit jealous too, bc instead of them helping me out with college she decided she wanted to go back to school and get herself a degree. they kicked me out 2 weeks after graduation so i was forced to get a job and a place bc i was living in my car for 2 months. so now im working on finding another temp. job making shit for money, and hopefully going back to school as soon as im married. i just really hope that i get some grants to help me out. there are really no more expectations in life bc when u think somethings looking up and things are going to work out...u fall on ur face. lesson learned dont think someones doing u a favor till u see the evidence. u are the only one that u can count on so dont let yourself down.

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