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Join Now Cardinarla 's blog :: negativity
 
Cardinarla
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Birth Date: Thu, Jun 19 1947

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Grand Rapids MI, United States (map)

I am: Married

Schools: Oakdale Christian, Grand Rapids Christian High, Grand Valley State University

Jobs: Medical Social Worker, Professor of Human Services at University of Phoenix; (retired)


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Problems, problems,

 

 

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Cardinarla

  Cardinarla

Fri, May 23 02:16 PM

Problems, problems,

 

Well, my mesh melt experiment was a disaster.  I had done two previously successful melts that were beautiful, but I guess I tried to use the same mesh one too many times.   Anyway, I have 7 pounds of shattered glass with embedded mesh and kiln brick on the floor of my studio.  Things are not going well, artistically, physically nor financially.  I am having a real hard time being positive, especially when my husband keeps saying, "I am worth more dead than alive!".  Plus there is the whole cognitive mood swing stuff associated with MS.  I went to the book store this morning just to browse, gathered up a bunch of books on MS, meditation and healing, diet and MS....they just made me more confused and down.  I am tired.  I am tired of being positive in the face of the fear and failure I see in my husband's eyes.  I am tired of worrying about bankruptcy and forclosure.  I don't want to see a therapist, because I am one, and I have seen what is out there.  Plenty of counselors and social workers I would never trust .  Boy, it has been a long time since I have been this down.  I called my neurologist about having a flare, and he didn't want me to come in...he just called in a prescription for Valium of all things.  Now I don't trust my neurologist anymore either.  He was probably thinking about his next fishing trip, or opening up his cottage (mansion) on Lake Michigan this weekend.

Whew!  Bitter too!  Should I be ashamed?

Am I failing the program?  Basically, there is NO ONE I can talk to about these feelings, so instead I post them for all the world to see.  Bummer.

 

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