MY middle daughter, Abigail called her sister, Sara (who lives with us), to tell her that she and her husband were visiting his parents, and John and Gary went out for their yearly game of golf. John's father dropped dead of a heart attack on the golf course. He was still young and physically fit, despite some stressors in his life. Abbie and John were married last June and I got to meet his dad and his second wife. Sometimes you meet people for the first time, and you feel like you have been freinds forever. Thats how I felt about them. I am hurt that my daughter didn't call me, but called her sister to relay the news to me. Really hurt.
Sara and I have been reading and discussing A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. She responded when I wondered why Abbie didn't call me, "Oh Mom, don't make it all about You! Thats just your Ego."
I can't seem to stop crying... for my son-in-law, for his step mother, for my daughter.
Isn't it strange that death comes to all of us. We all know we are mortal; that there is a joyful beginning and a sorrowful end to almost every life. Death is ubiquitous; always just one breath, one heartbeat away.
And yet, death doesn't feel mundane.
It feels like a stalker.
I realize that I am resonating because I lost my oldest child; my only son to another evil stalker. His spirit died long before his body did, being slowly consumed by terrible paranoia and Schizophrenia. I literally watched his soul and spirit being devoured by a horrible and evil disease.
My sadness over Abigail's cool and analytical distance with me may be ego...but the only thing I can do is express to them my deepest and sincerest sorrow.
And what Sara said is also true. I am weeping for my own experiences with how sudden or how savage death can be.
I want to take this opportunity to express my thanks to all of you who have taken the time to follow my blog, and who have been so wise and caring and loving and supportive. You cannot possibly know how much your comfort means to me. How many times you have brought out the strength in me, or guided me to a new path, or just given me virtual hugs. Each and every one of you has held up a mirror to me, and shown me a face I do not recognize. She is beautiful, and I have you to thank for allowing me to see her, and want to continue to become her.
Namaste,
Cardinarla