Wordsmith:

Balance is sometimes hard to find.

That sounds like a tough spot to be in.  At least you have some idea how to manage the situation, if not for him at least for yourself.  Going to your own space is an excellent idea.  So is writing about it.

By inclination, I'm a writer.  My mind often works better on paper, or the ersatz paper in the computer, where my thoughts can find order among the formulations of words.  Even if I don't find an actual solution, the process is often calming and helpful.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you alone have upset the homeostasis (what a wonderful word!).  In a relationship between two people, it's usually not one or the other who is the driving force but some combination of both.  It could be you or him, or it could just be that you each have wandered slightly off the trail in different directions.  That's where you stumble into the bramble bushes.

You've chosen to take a couple of steps to get you back on the path.  I imagine he may do the same thing  at some point and you'll meet somewhere near the middle.

What a wonderful message that everything is right with the world!  Four beautiful birds come to visit all at once and bring some joy into your day.  There's the image to keep in your mind: one not of disruption but of the natural beautiful order of things.

dr_july:

I hear you

Sometimes you have to let yourself be happy because you want to be and not let others steal away your joyful spirit. It's not being selfish but just being there for yourself.

You have begun examining your life and he has to take responsibility for getting to where he needs to be.  Let him be aware of that. You can be supportive but cannot do the things he needs to do. Be assertive about your needs and do not encourage self-pity (in you or your husband). If necessary, don't be afraid to kick his butt and get him moving:).

Most importantly, be kind to yourself and develop a hobby which brings out your creative side (writing sounds great!).  If you get the opportunity, spend some time with your friends (preferably offline) who can comfort you and help keep things in  perspective. 

Wishing good thoughts for you and don't worry. This too shall pass away:).  

You are such a sweet person. Sending you a hug

Dabble:

I agree with dr J -

Seek your own joy...it is very difficult to live with someone in this state - and it can drag you down.  He probably IS more negative as you become more positive - he can't help but see the shine on you and wish he had it himself.

I've lived with this sort of thing for years, and finally extricated myself, only to find myself in a similar type relationship. There are so many people who rely on you to provide their sense of self-worth - and this is very draining.  You are wise enough to know you can't really help him in his despair, other than by being there and supportive - but, as with helping a drowning victim, you have to be sure your head is above water or you're no good to the victim and you may lose yourself in the process.

I know you are facing your own challenges, but it sounds like you are finding a level where you can feel good about yourself - good for you. Keep whole and keep writing - you write well and it is a wonderful purgative! 

Sending you a hug