This morning I asked my spouse a question, he looked me straight in the eye and told a bald face lie. I challenged him on it, because I had oevrheard part of his phone converstation, and he said, "Well I was embarassed". That has been his excuse for 15 years now. The funny thing is, it's not just about big issues, like leaveing porn videos on the same computer the grandchildren play games on ( and yes, one of them stumbled on the site at three years old), but about the stupid small stuff like being past due on a bill. How can we ever be on the same page? He is a habitual liar. I am not angry because I understand what causes a child to develop this behavior. It is almost a reptilian reflex for him.
But it makes me very sad, and hurt. I feel like I am and always will be an outsider to him. After all, I am wife number three. He has learned how to be a bachelor while in a relationship very well. He just will not share himself.
There are still reasons I consider him a friend, even though I know I can't trust him.
I am 60, I have MS, I cannot get a job. And Jonathan does do a lot for me. He is such a nerd, and he can really make me laugh.
I don't feel stuck, because I make my own happiness. I just feel such a loss for what might have been.
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I wish what might have been had been. You deserve it.
Thanks for the Hug.
Tis too sad
And too familiar. The more I know you the more I'm convinced we are twins, separated at birth. How sad for you, though, and for him. It's achingly lonely to be lonely in a marriage.
Thinking of you...