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Cardinarla
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Birth Date: Thu, Jun 19 1947

Place of residence:
Grand Rapids MI, United States (map)

I am: Married

Schools: Oakdale Christian, Grand Rapids Christian High, Grand Valley State University

Jobs: Medical Social Worker, Professor of Human Services at University of Phoenix; (retired)


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Lies & Trust

 

 

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Cardinarla

  Cardinarla

Thu, May 08 03:36 PM

Lies & Trust

 

This morning I asked my spouse a question, he looked me straight in the eye and told a bald face lie.  I challenged him on it, because I had oevrheard part of his phone converstation, and he said, "Well I was embarassed".  That has been his excuse for 15 years now.  The funny thing is, it's not just about big issues, like leaveing porn videos on the same computer the grandchildren play games on ( and yes, one of them stumbled on the site at three years old), but about the stupid small stuff like being past due on a bill.  How can we ever be on the same page?  He is a habitual liar.  I am not angry because I understand what causes a child to develop this behavior.  It is almost a reptilian reflex for him. 

But it makes me  very sad, and hurt.  I feel like I am and always will be an outsider to him.  After all, I am wife number three.  He has learned how to be a bachelor while in a relationship very well.  He just will not share himself.

There are still reasons I consider him a friend, even though I know I can't trust him.

I am 60, I have MS, I cannot get a job.  And Jonathan does do a lot for me.  He is such a nerd, and he can really make me laugh.

 

I don't feel stuck, because I make my own happiness.  I just feel such a loss for what might have been.

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I wish what might have been had been. You deserve it.

Sending you lots of love Sending you love and my biggest, warmest hug.

Thanks for the Hug.

Sending you lots of love Sending you lots of love Right back at you, Big Guy!

 

 

Tis too sad

And too familiar. The more I know you the more I'm convinced we are twins, separated at birth.  How sad for you, though, and for him.  It's achingly lonely to be lonely in a marriage.

 

Thinking of you... 

Sending you a hug Sending you a huge hug...