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Join Now Carrying Jonathan by Cardinarla
 
Cardinarla
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Birth Date: Thu, Jun 19 1947

Place of residence:
Grand Rapids MI, United States (map)

I am: Married

Schools: Oakdale Christian, Grand Rapids Christian High, Grand Valley State University

Jobs: Medical Social Worker, Professor of Human Services at University of Phoenix; (retired)


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Member Since: 04/01/08
Last Login: 06/29/08
Viewed: 16990
Program in:
Program Progress: Day 43
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Cardinarla's Participating:
Drink 8 glass of water per day (8oz)
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Cardinarla's Life List:
Get my Master's Degree in Social Work
Achieve cardio fitness

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Carrying Jonathan

 

 

10
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Cardinarla

  Cardinarla

Tue, May 13 07:03 PM

Carrying Jonathan

 

This morning I got a really long and thoughtful post from one of you...

I thought her ideas were pretty drastic, and I wrote her a long reply explaining why her suggestion just wouldn't work with Jonathan.  I was distracted, and as so often does with this program, my entire post was obliterated.. Was I mad!  Just then Jon stuck his head in the door, and we started to talk.  Now that he has finally opened up emotionally after 15 years of marriage, the flood gates are open.  He started to tell me how worthless he is, how we are going to lose the house, how badly he got screwed by his ex-boss in his last job....and I cut him off by saying," So, OK.  You're right, you did get screwed.  But that was three years ago.  How long are you going to dwell on that?  Put on a suit and tie and start making the rounds of all your connections.  Get off your butt, get some exercise, and NO MORE COMPUTER GAMES!  (Her suggestions were an elaboration of what all of you who made comments said).  I expected him to have a tantrum.  To my surprise he kind of hung his head and said, "OK, your right."  If loving him means ignoring his self-pity and riding his ass to get more teaching jobs, or get into another field entirely, then that is what he will get.  He knows I love him anyway, and I think it is time I stop nagging or enabling and just tell him to Man Up! 

 

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comments

Good for you!

I think sometimes we need to hear this sort of stuff.  He was probably waiting for you to say it....

Excellent.

Now the victim-mentality has stopped, great progress can be made.

 

Well done both of you. 

This is marvelous!


The dialogue has begun.  From what you've written, this open, honest, direct communication is already having a positive effect.

 

Congratulations...   to you, and to Jonathan for opening that door.