Out of all the names I could pick to be.. this one was a pip. First the local hospital exploded. Seems a slime from Jupiter decided to invade our locale. Me? Well I was 12 kilometers away but I knew that I could run most of the way, barefoot. At a very young age I decided to be anti footwear and knew it would come in handy one day. That day my friend is... Today! Its complicated. Its complicated. Thats what I always mutter under my breath to the folks that dont get it. But really its simple, my name is Ash... Ash Stimpleton. So Im running full stride, what do you know a brown bear decided to attack. I bear my calloused feet of Death, and decide to use my mixture of TV karate and the deep knee bends Ive been doing while gardening. Face it. That bear never had a chance... 3, 2, 1... Bear 0 Ash FTW!

OK I keep running, feet piercing the ground, each step like iron planted and assured. I look at my watch. Ive been running a half hour at full speed and Im LATE. No ASH is never late... so I pick up the pace, now my feet are like a blur 10 km, 11 km, I see up ahead a purple jelly swallowing its victims whole. Its a cheap way to go and this jelly is fighting dirty. Why? Cause jelly is supposed to be on me favorite sammy, not eating the public. I can see bones and flesh mixed with the Purple Jupiter trash! Now its time to kick some Ash Stimpleton ass! A little known fact.. Binaca mouth spray kills anything from Jupiter. Sssspray!! Hey this thing doesnt have the freshest breath either so Im sending 2 messages... Bring some anti stinkin breath next time. Over and out

Ash.... Ash Stimpleton.