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Join Now Oh it's still pretty tough.... by Dolan
 
Dolan
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Birth Date: Sat, Feb 16 1980

Place of residence:
Belfast Northern Ireland, Ireland (map)

I am: Single & Not Dating

Schools: St Bridgt'sBoy's High School, University of Ulster, Queen's University of Blefast

Jobs: Barman, engineer, IT support, research student

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Member Since: 07/11/09
Last Login: 01/25/11
Viewed: 2923
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Program Progress: Day 69
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Dolan's Life List:
Stop smoking - 1st June 09 - painful like all the other times - my long term goal is never to have one again.
To finish the TOOLS program
To come up with a business idea and to give it a go
To help the residents in my neighbourhood by getting less noisy students to move in next to them change my community for the better
To date various girls and to see how the relationship goes.
To take control of my attitude and ensure that it remains positive and focused on my other goals
To write the review section on nanomagnets
To write, edit, rewrite and finish the Porous template nanoring section
To write, edit, rewrite and finish the Nanosphere lith section
To breakdown the literature for nanoferroelectrics into relevant points.
To write, edit, rewrite and finish my introduction and literature review
To breakdown the Single crystal paper in understandable blocks
To form the outline for my chapter on Single crystal
to write the first draft (write, edit, re-write, finish)
To do 30 mins of maths each day for two weeks
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Oh it's still pretty tough....

 

 

4
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Dolan

  Dolan

Tue, Jul 28 03:57 PM

Oh it's still pretty tough....

 

For quite a long time in my life I've been waiting for that break through day, where I get up and my life just comes together. I'm mainly thinking of my thesis. I leave work thinking. Tomorrow I am going to come in and boom - I'll be like a machine and I'll get loads written. 

 

But that magic boom hasn't happened. And with tools I've realised that there is no magic boom. I've been lying to myself through lie type number 2 - denial. When I attacked that lie, fear and panic began to grow - I was unware at first but before I knew it, they were surging through me and subconciously I riverted back to Lie number one. I'm not powerful enough. I lost the whole evening thanks to this. 

 

I went back through my notes of day 13 and began to work through trying to over come my feelings. The I decided to write it here online.

 

During that process it all came together. I've had to re-write and heavily edit this blog so it will make sense, but I think that has been a key stepping stone in helping me - check this out 

 

I began by writing that I shouldn't be frustrated by the fact that my fears and anxity still come and overwhelm me from time to time.

 

They developed real big mental paths to my thinking and had complete and utter control of me for quite a long time over the last year.

 

That doesn't just stop and never appear again after I understand that my fears are created in my head. When they strike they feel pretty real. But they feel that way at the moment because it takes time for those paths to close up. After all they use to have a direct and constant express connection to me

 

So again I shouldn't feel frustrated. It will take time.

 

And I've done this already with the negative thoughts that I use to have about my house mates. That took time too, but now those thoughts hardly come in to my head at all! Still not perfect, but boy is it a lot better!

 

My fear will continue to come in for awhile. What is important for me to do is to realise it - release it, refuse to let it stay and then to focus on my vision, saying 'okay I'm scared so lets do something about it. What can I do that could help me towards my goal.

 

I have to focus on building and strengthening my positive paths.

 

I really like the 'F'alse 'E'vidence 'A'ppearing 'R'eal. But it's pretty tough to buy into when the fear has got me. I'm meeting my supervisor tomorrow at a seminar of a guy who has just published work which is exactly the work that my project was about (which I feel I still don't understand) The fear of talking to this guy feels pretty real to me. And also not giving any chapters to supervisor feels rough too.

 

But then what's the worst that can happen. In fact I should see this as an opportunity. I should stop the thesis writing for a bit and prepare myself so I can learn as much as I can from the seminar. Stop running away from my fear, and start walking towards my vision. 

 

Thank you Devln Steele. I've read a lot of self help books over the years, and your right, we do know all the answers. We all know what we should do. And still we don't seem to make progress. But with this course I have felt progress.

 

Like I said at the begging, I began to work through my feeling of fear on pen and paper. And then decided to go to the web site. It is only after writing this piece that the fear has some how released it's grip on me. This is a really interesting experience. I felt a downward heavy and cloudy pressure on my head and body. It now quite literally has lifted the other direction and it feels much nicer. 

 

I'm not exactly jumping up and down, but the parlasis and the building anxity has stopped.

 

 Thank you Devlyn your a star!

 

 

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This post is cheered by:

dr_july dr_july JEDITEECH JEDITEECH xnadriel xnadriel


 

comments

becks09 becks09:

Way to take control!

You're not alone You're not alone

JEDITEECH JEDITEECH:

putting it down

I like what you have written here, by putting it down may you be relieved from it putting you down!

 

And by getting yourself geared up to make the most out of the seminar you are making a great choice. I would recommend the glass of water method. Right before you goto bed, Ask your mind to work on your thesis while you sleep then drink 1/2 the glass of water.

When you wake up drink the other half.

 

If you get something write it down rough and don't worry. If you don't you are out like 2 mins of time. It may take several tries but it can have amazing results!!!

 

Having been exposed to self-help and success stories you are most likely aware that alot of answers have been provided through dreams!

 

Anyways just a friendly suggestion, and not really a shortcut just a way to engage your mind from a different angle-consciously engaging your subconscious.

 

 

Great Idea Great Idea

xnadriel xnadriel:

Eye opener

Hi Dolan :) I'm happy you were able to work through your fear and to see the seminar as an opportunity to learn more and get more "in touch" with your research.

 

It's weird how our problems seem to be so much the same. Everytime I read your blog and see how you are working through your problems, it gives me renewed hope that I will also be able to make a change.

 

I've also been waiting for that "boom" moment where everything in my research makes sense and comes together. Thanks for opening my eyes about that. :)

 

Have a great day! And stay strong...

DetonNation DetonNation:

A great start!

And thinking things out is good, but sometimes youve got to stop the mental chatter and put your words (for your thesis) on paper. The only way you are going to make strides and truly overcome your fears is not by intellectualizing them but by doing. So its great to understand the concepts and now its time to do. Do a little each day. You have already created a mountain by stating you will get "loads written" Start small but start and add each day. Then when you have a rough finished go back and edit your work. Its not going to happen in one moment, it will take many many. Then like TV you see the champion arise all of a sudden, as if by magic. Good Luck!!!!

Mike