Walking backward, and letting go

This is an exercise technique that I learned back in high school.  Its a great way to build balance, agility, endurance, and not over train certain muscles.  Its not something you want to do for a mile, but it is something to do to change things up to shock the system every once and a while.  Or of course simply to not get bored.

But my meaning is metaphorical.  Everyone says, hind sight is 20/20 but no one ever stops long enough to really get back into the moment to really figure out why they did what they did.

This isn't about rehashing of traumas.  Its about sitting and observing who you were at that time, how you interpreted the world, your emotions, family, friends, and what you eventually considered as your "best option".

For me the best way to define the experience is much like going out into about 3 or 4 feet of water in a pool or beach that isn't in use, usually during the colder part of the year.  You exhale enough and sink to the bottom and stare up at the surface seeing the sky through (diving mask works best for me). 

on about half lung capacity I can do this for about 30 to 40 seconds (its been a few years and I haven't tried with a weight belt). And what I found after I did this (getting my breath back of course).  When I would simply enjoy floating on the surface I could exhale more and take deeper breaths then I had use to, I was no longer afraid of the submersion, or being over taken by it.

The point that I am at in my life seems so confining at times (not including the sleep paralysis) and it often seems as if the only place to get to, is to get my head above water, and then I can finally interact with people.  Or that my problems will be solved and I will be able to relax.

Only now am I realizing how wise I was back then.  Because I had learned to relax even when 4 feet from the surface, my back and head resting against the sand. My lungs screaming for oxygen.  I remained calm.

So where do I walk back to now?

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