I'll tell you why. Because I am f'ing fed up with the life I have. I'm sick and tired of feeling like a failure socially, professionally, romantically, you name it. All my life I've searched and searched to try and find some way to GET AWAY FROM MYSELF... when all along it was ME that I had to face and deal with.
I'm tired of feeling trapped. I'm tired of feeling alone... I'm tired of feeling alien...
All my life I've always been on the outside looking in.
The best way I can put it is that I feel like I've been trapped all my life in a cage of my own inadequacies, short-comings, failures, and stupidity.
People wear me thin... I'm 32 years old... single... I make less than minimum wage at a job that I'm terrified isn't going to pay off... I'm stuck living with 3 people in a two f'ing bedroom apartment... I have to share a room with a completely immature, spoiled, self-indulgent, religious zealot of a CHILD...
DAMNIT... I'm a adult... I thought I'd take a chance by coming down here to Florida. I thought things would be different... I thought I could start my life... I've been stuck in Grad school for the past 3 years, and now that I'm finally out, I still feel like I'm stuck at square one. Let's face it, I AM stuck at square one... I thought getting my f'ing MFA would be the light at the end of the tunnel... but all it is is a worthless piece of crap paper that's landed me in debt that I'll never be able to get out of...
I'm sick of this... I'm sick of being nothing, nobody... I'm sick of constantly having to fight and claw just to get to the middle, only to be smacked down to the bottom again.
I had this vision of what life would be like when I graduated from Grad school... moving down here to Florida... starting a great job with a great company... I thought I'd have friends... I thought I'd have a love life... I thought I'd finally be able to get my head out of my ass and finally begin to LIVE my life... but nothing's changed... people still look at me like I'm garbage... the future still has no hope... I'm MORE broke than I was in Grad school... I have no prospects what-so-ever.
I don't even know why I'm bothering with this web-site... It's absurd... 32 years of complete SHIT for a life, and some web-site is suppose to help me turn that around. I'm sorry... I'll give it a try out of desperation, but it still feels like a load of crap to me.