LIGHT BULB

 I am up this morning did I feel like getting up? NO! I barely have been hanging onto this program and by a thread. I am up this morning having my coffee and I realized last night that I don't give myself enough credit at times. I have had some incredible opportunities coming at me. The more they come the more I was shutting down. I think at times I actually fear success! I know it sounds funny. I am so serious though. What I do realize that I am afraid of is working so hard to achieve it and somebody or something taking it away.Like when I divorced and watched 12 years go to shit??? I had nothing left when all was said and done. I am trying to find a balance in myself that is quite challenging for me. Either people walk over me like I am their doormat and treat me however the hell they feel like it. Believe me my feelings come nowhere in to play when they do this. Or, the opposite happens and they are completely intimidated by me.I have also realized I have someone in my life that is causing very bad adverse affects on me.I was doing really good with this program and moving along...the better I was getting the more I was achieving the nastier he was being...BOOM depression, staying in bed, a bit too much drinkink, throwing back on7 pounds of the 20 I had just taken off. I use to be a really nice person, now I sit and go what the hell happened? I think I purposely sabotage my stuff before it even has a chance. Well I'm on here blah blahing to you. Just some thoughts I thought I would share with you. I KNOW I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS REGRESSED AND WENT BACKWARDS!!!I am on track though and I will get it back together. Oh aside from I forgot to press finished in my tools box yesterday. DAMN!

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Tags: Depression, Negative people, self sabotage