Depression has taken away many things in my life. Mainly my motivation to get anything done,including getting good grades at school, to be social, to maintain a good weight, and to even pull myself out of bed in the morning.
The absolute worst thing depression has done to me, however, is take away my passion for the one thing I always truly cared about, soccer.
It may just be a game to some, but it is much more than "just a game" to me. It is also supporting your teammates, learning and having fun with each other because you become like a family by the end of the season, its pushing yourself to the max, its having determination and discipline and satisfaction at scoring the winning goal. It is always wanting to improve and to have energy when you come on the field.
And my depression took my energy and interest out of this game for me that I've been playing since I was in first grade, that I have been on traveling leagues and indoor leagues since I was young, that when asked what my favorite sport was I would yell SOCCER confidently.
This sport, in which I looked forward to play on varsity since I was little, in which I went to about 7 goalie camps between 8th grade and sophomore year building up to the moment I would be on varsity, was unenjoyable to me. To be the starting varsity goalie, the dream I wanted since I was just a mighty might soccer player, could not bear happiness to me. I found myself not wanting to play, to come to practice, to do anything. The thought of even QUITTING or not going out next season crossed my mind. As a goalkeeper you need to be confident in goal, and I was so insecure with myself as a person and player my game was severely affected. was by far my worst season and I felt guilty because my teammates who really wanted this had to suffer because of my inability to make myself try.
And now I am trying to pick up my broken pieces so I can make my teammates, coaches, and parents happy, even though I am very not.
How do you get back a passion you lost?