I have a home....at last.

No, I was not homeless.  I’ve always had a roof over my head.  It just never felt like my home.  To me, it was a house I was in temporarily. Almost like I was waiting for my home to come along one day.

The last time I felt at home, was when I was living with my mom and dad and brother and sisters.  That was home.  And I could never go back there. That was a lifetime ago.

I’ve been processing and internalizing all of the information Coach is giving us.  Sometimes, for some of us, that can be a lengthy process.

I woke up one morning recently and realized than I am home……..at last.  My home.  Well, as long as the rent is paid. 

I looked around and saw clutter and an unkempt yard.  There is nothing beautiful anywhere.  No flowers in the yard.  A broken abandoned bird feeder.  Broken wind chimes.  A bird bath….always empty. 

My indoor water fountain full of dust instead of water.  No pictures hung on my bedroom walls.  Everything looks plain and drab.  Now that it is MY HOME, I want it to be beautiful, clean, clutter-free, inviting and welcoming.

This is my home, my sanctuary, my shelter from the world, my oasis.  I have a lot to do to make it so.  For the first time, I want to do it.

I cut the grass at my home.  Now that may not sound like a big thing to you.  But it was HUGE for me.  I have very little energy or stamina, but I was determined to get ‘er done! 

It took me three days.  My nephew usually does it in two hours with my push mower.  Plans change and he won’t be able to keep up with my yard anymore. 

I wanted to cut the grass myself.  I needed to prove that I could cut the grass. 

There were times when I advanced inches at the time, the grass was thick and hadn’t been cut in over three weeks.  There were times when it took every ounce of energy I had to push ahead. I had to take frequent breaks. 

I cut the grass.  I cut my grass at my home.

I even picked up several branches and raked some smaller twigs, sticks and pine cones. 

I still have a ways to go to clear away all the overgrowth and the clutter.  Yes there is even clutter in my yard, though thankfully it is all in the back and not so very much. 

I discovered in my own back yard that the trees had grown enough to form a canopy over one corner area.  It will be perfect to put my table and lawn chairs.  I can go out there and read, or listen to the birds, even listen to some of my music that brings me so much joy.

I can just be outdoors.  I can just be…. I am home.

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Tags: homeless, Never-felt-like-my-home, Lifetime-ago, Processing-and-internalizing, Lengthy-process, clutter, Unkempt-yard, Plain-and-drab, Sanctuary, Shelter-from-the-world, Oasis, Cut-the-grass, Overgrowth-and-clutter, Canopy, Outdoors, I-am-home