meditation

 Okay today is my third day coming to school. The anxiety that I once help deep in the pit of my gut, seems to be easing away. Its too simple to forget all the pressures of life and not have to worry about the pain i once felt, or how ppl are looking at me, or why im so lonely and afraid. I was never going to come bk on here and post anymore blogs but then I realized that someones strength might come from my testimony. Someone may gain an ounce of hope to go on living. I have been having thoughts of suicide since i was just eleven yrs old. I thought that noone could really see me and because of that I felt depressed all the time, not having many friends. I thought that life was saddness, and since i am a christian i felt that only happiness can come through my being dead. But im learning that everyday i go on,  i accomplish one thing more that a few months ago i wouldnt have done. Everytime i live on despite my life falling apart, restores a piece of my heart. I just wanted to write to tell everyone on here, that sometimes we must suffer to have the victory in the end. If we keep doing the same things we are going to keep getting what we have always gotten. "If we change our thoughts, we change our worlds." So now im trying to say i can instead of i think its too hard, now im saying i must instead of saying im too tired. Now I live for a better tomorrow instead of a disruptive yesterday. I meditate on how nice its going to be when i cross over to the green pastures instead of how hard its been in the desert. And if I can, trust me I know you can.

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