A friend said to me the other day isn't it funny when you are with someone for a long time, you forget to see their good qualities. The things that attracted you in the first place, are still there, but you forget about the little tender things that ment so much in the begining of the relationship. For example, leaving little notes around the house or on the windshield of your car, also cards and flowers. Compliments when you dress nice or cook a nice dinner were also part of the early relationship. I think we have all said this one, "Hurry up we are going to be late. You look fine, let's go."
One of the things I remember the most were the last six years of my wife's battle with cancer. I seem to focus on other couples and their relationships. When in the midst of a trama or crisis your perspective on life will change and you will have different views on many things. For some reasons all those other couples seem to stay with me. One night my wife and I were out with eight to ten other couples from our whom all were married. I always stayed close to my wife, never knowing when her last day would be. All the women were sitting around talking about their husbands in a negative manner. To me they all seemed like respectful, spiritual, and responsible men. But what I heard was about their faults, mistakes, and other character flaws. I wanted to speak out and say, give those guys a break and show them love and respect. I am not judging because we all are not perfect. We should all take life a day at a time and love each other like it is our last.
I always told people, before couples go into counseling, they should take individual counseling for themselves for a few months. For the simple reason to see if they love themselves. Then they should sit with their therapist and partner to work things out.
I will end by taking a paragraph out of the book The Good Marriage by Judith S, Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee....
Many couples seem to think that just as they can't slow down the human aging process, they can't do anything to alter the aging process of marriage. They let the relationship take its "natural course" by happenstance until it threatens to break down, and by then it may be to late.
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