Oh boy, my past. Well, I was born and raised in rural Indiana. My parents were divorced when I was 3 years old and had a horrible relationship with each other after that.  My dad wasn't around very much, and when he was it just to piss off my mom.  My mom remarried and I gained 2 older stepbrothers. They were really mean to me growing up, but I guess thats what older brothers do. My dad also remarried and gave me a wonderful little brother. I was always intelligent without trying. I was in all of the honors and advanced classes, played softball and volleyball, was involved with tons of after school clubs, and was on dance team. I also had a high school sweetheart that I was sure I would marry one day. ( I guess we all think that)

One month after graduating high school, we found out that my mom had cancer.  Instead of taking a full scholarship that would have taken me out of the state, I stayed here and went to a community college.  I didn't deal with my mom being sick very well. Actually I didn't deal with it at all.  I started skipping classes, drinking a lot and gaining a lot of weight.  I went from being an athletic and happy 130 pounds to 185 of miserable.  I also had found out that my oh-so-wonderful boyfriend had been cheating on me for a long time.  I ended up getting a DUI and having to drop out of school (no license, couldn't get there). It was a really big wake up call for me.

I started working at a small factory around the corner from my apartment. It was a worthless job, but I really started looking at my life differently.  After I got my license back I got a different factory job. I always had going back to school in the back of my head, but due to the choices I made, I couldn't do it yet.  About 6 months later I had a fantastic (yes another factory) job fall into my lap. For the first time in my life I knew how it felt to make good money. I was able to get a great apartment, fill it with some awesome furniture, and start taking care of myself became a priority.  My job was really physical, and I started dropping weight like crazy without trying.  Unfortunately, my job was the only thing going right. My mom was still really sick, I had a pretty miserable lovelife (lots of short term relationships), and no relationship at all with my dad.

My mom passed away in Sept of 05, and my world fell to pieces.  I brought her home to my apartment with the hospice, and she died less than 24 hours later. It was completely devastating to me. She was always the one person that I could count on. No matter how bad I messed up, she was always there.  My dad started coming around more, I started seeing a doctor for my depression/anxiety attacks, and my friends really rallied around me. Ironically, I felt like things were going to be ok.  This lasted about 2 weeks.  Everything was completely out of whack after that.  I stopped going out with my friends, stopped working out, wasn't taking my medication, and just wasn't taking care of myself in general. There were times when I didn't get out of bed for a week.  

A few months later, I lost my job. Yeah, I know, greaaaat timing.  So, I basically said 'F**K it!' and I moved to Florida with a friend of mine.  It was actually really good for me. I lived off my savings and spent my days laying on the beach.  I breifly felt like things were sort of heading in a good direction.   But of course, that didn't last either.  I started in with all my bad habits again.  Distancing myself from friends and family, drinking a lot, smoking a lot, eaaaating a lot. Pretty much doing everything to a point of excess. 

I moved back up to Indiana a couple weeks ago.  So far things are going well.  I'm back into working out and eating right.  I'm back on my medication. I'm starting to rebuild relationships with everyone that I've been avoiding.  I've enrolled in school (for nursing)and am soooo excited about it.  I'm getting along better with my dad than I probably ever have. I haven't had a drink in over a week, and I haven't had a cigarette in 4 days. I've been online reading a lot about self help and improvement and some how ended up here.

Ah, my future. Well, today it is looking pretty bright! Well, for starters, I am no longer a victim of my vices. I'm a non smoker, and just an occasional social drinker.  I do not eat because I'm happy/sad/lonely/bored/mad/scared. I eat healthy foods because thats what is good for me, and allows my body to function properly.  I've started a foundation in honor of my mom.  I've turned her death into something positive by raising money for scholarships/cancer research/community.  I am happy, and it shows.  I am no longer overweight. I'm healthy, toned, and fit. I even run in charity races.

I am married to a wonderful, hilarious man who makes me laugh all day long. We live in a large but still cozy log cabin on a lake just outside of Chicago.  We have lots of animals, but no children. However we are thinking about adoption one day.  We also have a vacation house in Florida on the beach.  We travel all over the world.

I graduated from nursing school, and now work with a hospice.  I draw from my own experiences and am able to give people a great comfort in a difficult time.  I'm actually thinking about applying to medical school, and studying cancer research.

I have a close knit group of friends (both old and new). We go out every Friday night without fail for a Girls Night.  I've grown incredibly close to my family.  We have big holiday dinners where we eat, drink, laugh, and fight, but always leave wishing we could stay a little longer.