So sorry to have slacked on blogging yesterday! I tend to get busy and scatterbrained even more than usual on weekends. I did very good though... for the most part.
I do have to confess that I got in a fight with my guy last night and was so angry when he wouldn't talk to me - that I dug out a pouch of rolling tobacco that had been stashed away in the freezer and rolled up ol' organic American spirit. I usually smoke good regular filtered chemical laden Marlboro - but I guess going for the old loose crap wasn't too bad a move (and almost fit the bill on my getting a crappy brand if I broke down - those are not the same as what i normally smoke!) - because I only ended up smoking about 1/4 of it before I decided that was enough nicotine to ensure that I 'had a grip'... and enough to realize that smoking wasn't that big of a deal. I guess I knew that all along, which is why I just gave in - rather than let myself sit there and obsess about it when I was already emotional and needing an outlet.... just decided I was exerting enough energy already. That has just been my coping strategy for so long. Anyway I got right back on the horse, and I still feel as confident if not more since I didn't really just cave - I found an alternative that kept me from having to freak out, or feel deprived in a 'time of need'. I don't plan on continuing to have those moments, either!! That one little moment definitely can't deter me.
Funny Story: My boyfriend and me are driving home from the pet store tonight and he says 'Ya know... I actually really like you as a non-smoker' (he has never been a smoker). He seemed as surprised as I was. He went to say he never really thought that smoking would have an affect on someones personality, but that I seemed somehow funner to be around and more bubbly when I'm not smoking. He said that he expected me to be all bitchy - but that he was really surprised. I then had to schmooze him for a compliment by saying 'well I know you had told me in the past you thought I was a weak person for being a smoker - do you maybe think that I'm more strong minded than you thought?' (hah! - I just can't help but bask in my own glory) and without any sarcasm I was pleased to hear him respond 'yeah, absolutely'. MMMMMMM. Having reasons to gloat is so much more fun than getting a nic fix.
On a side note it seems like going somewhere triggers cravings, but especially when I LEAVE somewhere after doing something - like every time I walk out of a store I want to bust one out. That's worse for me than like, after eating for example. I guess just anytime I get in the car, but I specially noticed it leaving stores after shopping tonight.
Before I get off the smoking topic here's my tracker. I'm not even counting my slip against it because it was just that small of a step on my eh.... journey of quitting:
| Time Smoke-Free: 4 days, 9 hours, 54 minutes and 50 seconds | |
 | |
| Cigarettes NOT smoked: 71 |
|
| Lifetime Saved: 13 hours |
|
| Money Saved: $15.80 |
I almost adopted a cat tonight, it was this fat lil sweetie at petsmart. I wish I could have a dog, but it just wouldn't work in my studio. I still am hoping to get a cat soon, so I'm gonna have to start 'sending out a signal' and intend for me to find the right one. I've sort of wanted one for awhile, but didn't really want to make the commitment. It's weird how suddenly I feel ready to do all the stuff I was putting off. God I hope this keeps up, because I really am sick of being such a procrastinator! Anyway I might go visit my meow again tomorrow, and maybe I'll just buy her right up. Otherwise I'll have to visit some other places and find my a pretty kitty to go with my smoke free apartment, hehe. Oh yeah but while I'm mentioning pets - I did get a couple of new snails tonight! Here's a pic:
I also went shopping tonight and picked up some healthy foods to eat throughout the week. I actually picked up a bunch of stuff that was on this 30-day weight loss plan thing I got (I guess it's from www.foolproofdiet.com). I didn't look at the whole month of stuff, but it seems like a fairly decent month long meal plan that encourages you to take a multi-vitamin, drink 8 glasses of water a day (which most people should be doing anyway, I usually don't but I did get some vitamins and good healthy food, the one I have actually comes with a shopping list for each week, so I got most of the stuff for that) then it just 3 pretty basic meals a day. They look pretty simple, mostly just protein and veggies. It has some basic recipes and advises to follow the plan exactly. I don't know if I will do that, I highly doubt it. I may use it as a guideline though, and just try and watch what I'm eating more. (If anyone else is interested I could probably hook them up with the pdf - or they can check out that website). I do think I need to focus on eating better, more structured regular meals instead of the whatever I feel like crap diet that I'm currently on. Tonight the boy made some yummy vegan Indian food. There was this coconut curry veggie and rice dish, mmmm. Then we had a mix of sweet potatoes and regular potatoes (which I was skeptical about but thought tasted good!) with some gravy.
Alright it's past my bedtime. Lots of love, and hope you all had a wonderful, productive weekend! Oh but just incase I sound all strong and happy here, I'm still craving them constantly. I'm just gonna have to get used to thinking about them and letting it cross right by my mind. That and keep the candy and crap on hand. I'm still trying to do good on my carrot sticks, but just incase I'm staying stocked on blow pops, jolly ranchers, and twizzlers. hehehe ;D
comments
Impressed
I am impressed by the diligence of your eforts to quit smoking! I can tell that you are employing many methods of support to beat this nasty habit. The tracker looks like a very smart thing to keep you conscious of your efforts. The support of others sounds like a smart external means to reinforce your efforts, too. Making it public. And your boyfriend sounds like he is helping, too. You are lucky to have him!
I used to smoke, but I quit several years back when I could tell it was having an effect on my quality of life. I like to be physical and I could tell, even just incrementally, that it was beginning to impair my abilities to do the things I love to do. And then there was my community of smoking friends. Many of us were what you would call "casual" smokers, only indulging during social situations, so it was tough to be around them, but I made a committment to my body, and I did not want to feel weak, like you said.
I replaced cravings for it by trying to go a completely different direction. Instead of trying to replace the craving with other kinds of simulations, I tried to do whatever seemed most opposite to smoking....like exercise. I also, and this might sound counter to your goals...I told myself I did not have to quit forever, meaning I did not make it an intention to never ever smoke again. Just for now. For six months, or whatever. And each day was easier to win that way.
So, good luck on your battle. You seem to have a great plan of attack.
self will
i have been told i have a weak self will too, and have believed it.
im sure you can think of times where you have completed what you set out to do!
things are significant or hard when we think they are hard. if you can make quitting seem like less hard or complicated, it will make it easier. keep it up!
believe in yourself
Uh...