They say, there is always someone worse off than you. Yes that’s true,
But were important too. We have feelings, we have a life too and we deserve to live it,
and be happy.
But how…I’m FAT… wont go out in public unless i really have too, I get my children
or some one else to buy groceries, alway’s excuses excuses.
People don’t understand, they always say…”You are what you eat”
Yea right… What about the ones that don’t eat like me.
That’s right.. Sometimes there is people out there who don’t eat much.
I dont.
Breakfast is around 10am. Cereal or 2 slices of toast with a cup of tea.
No Lunch
Dinner from after 7am. Usually pasta bake or spaghetti bolognaise,Roast chicken and veg.
Yes sometimes the odd chocolate…
Now… their only small meals…yep true…
This is what i have done for years.

I’ve never had much money so hard to buy right food.
But…guess what….I’m 170 kilos…

On a 5’5″ body and 49 years old.
WOW…i hear you say. She must be eating more.
NOPE…I wish i could say, Yea i do eat cakes, lollies, softdrinks, crisps etc.
Then all i could do is just stop eating them. Easy…lol….

What i dont do is exercise… I havn’t done for years.
I have arthritis in both knees and pinched sciatic nerve in the cheek of my bum.
I have fluid in my feet that won’t go away unless i stay in bed with my feet up.
Does this sound like you. How do you deal with it?
You can’t stay in bed all day for the rest of your life.

And the worse part, Doctors don’t believe you. They look down at you as if your something evil.
Come on.. You must be eating more, The doctor dosen’t even let you finish a conversation.
You leave the Doctor feeling more depressed than you were when you went there.

So What Do You Do

Lets go back a little and i’ll tell you a little about me. Maybe your life is like this too.

I married the man of my dreams when i was 24. I love dark colored men. He is Indian, Fijian born.
We have 2 wonderful boys. Not long after we married he changed, All the physical and mental abuse
started. Like…i only married you cause i felt sorry for you as no one else wanted you.
And he would pick a fight just before we would go out so i would not talk as he said i had
big mouth. I only got $5 a week and if i brought home over $300 i would get $10.
He would buy my clothes..( He did have good taste…lol…So i didn’t mind )
Six years later we divorced when i was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child.
I brought a home close to Mum and Dad as my Dad was sick with emphysema. They lived with me for
a while so i could help Mum with him till he passed. My Mum lived with me for Six years
and i was her Full Time Carer as she was a cronic Asthmatic and need constant care.
I was at her beck and call till she died in my arms at home Four years ago. So hard.

Then the Depression start to get worse, The feeling guilty for not being able to keep her alive,
worrying about money and how i’m going to pay my morgage, and worrying about my weight and body pain.

Now i’m not making excuses for being FAT. I wasn’t able to leave Mum’s side so to think about
myself was not top of my list of things to do.

Now….Today…I’m still FAT So what do i do? How do i get motivated to loose weight when
Doctors don’t believe you don’t eat,
How do you get motivated to just get up and exercise?
I know it’s killing me, I know my health is suffering. I want a life. I want to do things i havn’t
done for so long and now cant. I wanted to get married again and have kids.
I’m a hopeless romantic, i want the happy ever after. I don’t want to be alone.
But who’s gonna want me when i don’t even want me.
But still….I sit here in my bed, swollen feet, feeling sorry for myself.

Do you feel alone and feel like no one cares? Me too..

Still working on my Future