Blogging as procrastination?

Oh dear.  I'm finding I'd rather blog than do my 5 - 10 minutes a day of clearing stuff out.  This 5-10 minute deal has been my greatest challenge so far.  I'm doing pretty well, I think on changing my thinking, but my behaviors?  Another matter, altogether...

I do want to give myself a pat on the back for having done my 5-10 on Friday and Saturday.  I went to visit my mother on F. and I brought a shopping bag full of papers to sort through.  We chatted while I worked.  On Saturday, I'd planned to get to the 5-10 in the a.m., but the lure of the blog was way more compelling.  So, I put the 5-10 off until the evening.  Turns out that my husband spiked a high fever in the evening and I ran him to the ER.  I grabbed my bag of papers and took off.  Post-operative fevers are no joke.  The docs found the source of the fever, and gave an intravenous dose and sent us home at 4:30 a.m.  While I was in the waiting room I was able to slam through the last of the papers, which are now either being carted off to a landfill (I do recycle at home, but there was no recycling bin at the hospital) or are in one of four folders. I felt really proud of myself for making no excuses (Day 11?) and following through on my checklist.

Well, yesterday, on fewer than five hours sleep, a fact, not an excuse or a complaint, I was feeling less energetic and focused than normal.  Put off my 5-10 until evening, when husband spiked a fever again.  Off to the ER again.  This time I didn't bring any papers, cause I was just too tired.  Excuse or reality? You tell me.  Not sure so early on in this program.  Of course, if I had made the time earlier... but I'm not sure how hard on myself I should be v. how compassionate, so I don't tailspin into perfectionistic shame and drop the program.

So, now it's 9:18.  My husband's fever seems to have broken finally. I spent the morning relaxing, which I really needed, and the afternoon and evening running my husband to the doctor, picking my son up, picking up an Rx for husband, taking care of dinner and talking on phone with Mom and sisters who called to see how husband is.  And checking out summer program for son...  Excuses, I suppose... All I want to do is put off my 5-10 until tomorrow and check out what everyone else has to say on the blog board. 

So, I'm going to sign off now, and force myself to start sifting through the backpack full of medical receipts and forms and putting them in order... I think it was ImaCountryGirl who suggested that if I thought there was a $20 bill at the bottom of my pile of papers I'd get to it faster.  Well, I'm embarrassed to say that there are most likely hundreds, if not thousands of uncollected medical insurance dollars in the backpack full of medical papers I've collected.  I can't account for my resistance to taking care of this work.  It's not beyond my capability, but it's always the last thing I want to do, when it logically should be an A #1 priority.  Any ideas about how to break through resistance and/or how to incorporate tools into daily schedule, so that they become routine instead of optional are more than welcome...

Ok, later the same day, I pressed the edit button.  I put in 10 minutes of work on the medical papers.  Ugh.  Tomorrow is a busy day.  I'm going for a second interview for my "Vision Job."  Maybe I'll get to the 5-10 minutes done in the evening while relaxing watching a favorite t.v. program.  If I don't plan for this, it just won't happen.  The old me would excuse me from doing the 5-10.  I'd figure I'd worked so hard getting prepared for and through my interviews I would deserve a break for good behavior.  I am starting to see the traps I set for myself.

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Tags: procrastination, Breaking through resistance,