I have been married for 22 years.  Our one child is now a teenager.  We have faced many challenges in the past few years.  Our son has a chronic illness, and both my husband and I have faced and survived life-threatening illnesses.

At the moment, I face a serious challenge about my next step career-wise in life.  I am a professional, who used to love my work. I am now at a crossroad, again.  I did not return to my beloved work after returning from my health leave, because I wanted to take on a less stressful role.  I took a risk and tried something new.  The situation took a bad turn in the late winter.  I can see my part in it and take full responsibility for learning from any mistakes I made.  The main reason I will be leaving, however is because I was not in philosophical alignment with the requirements of the position.

I know the person I want to be and believe I can be, because I have been that person at various times in my life and it feels stunningly wonderful, full-hearted, moving and right.  

I was so happy to read what Devlyn Steele wrote about how our positive actions can have a ripple effect.  As a very young child - three, four, five - I used to be questioned about my beliefs by other children, because we were the only family that was not Christian/Catholic in our neighborhood.  I told my friends it didn't matter what our religion was, because God was the same for all of us.  I told them that God was everywhere, including our hearts, and that what we needed to do was be good to each other, so that everyone's heart could grow and we would have no more hurting or wars.

As I have continued to work my way through Tools, I see the same message being spiraled through about human decency, morality, commitment, and responsibility to one another. My former profession allowed me to inculcate and reinforce these values and behaviors in youth and the adults who served them.  I need to find work that is as meaningful again.  I need to be in a position to do what's right.

Meantime, I have achieved some of the above, but as life's circumstances have stressed me, I have fallen into patterns and ruts that I learned along the way, which I really want to change. 

I know I want to be a healthy, calm, loving, gentle, understanding, kind and balanced wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.  I know I want to earn a substantial living, but not give myself and my health away as I did in the past as a frenzied workaholic.  I want to live a balanced life, where I empty myself of fear, anger, resentment, envy, worry, and negativity and let in love, joy, health and energy.  I want to learn to set limits and boundaries that are healthy.  I want to be able to laugh at myself, not take myself so seriously.  I want to love my life.

My past is an essay in extremes, paradoxes, opposite ends of the spectrum.  Extreme pain, extreme joy.  Abuse, love. Poverty, abundance.  Robust, healthy strength, life-threatening illness.  Frailty, recovery. Disease, survival.  Loss, triumph.  Mistakes, amends.  Fear, courage. 

I've had the opportunity and challenge of being born with a kind of intense mindfulness, objectivity, intelligence, intuition and wisdom.  Perhaps all children are.  I witnessed, experienced, knew, understood too much.  This made me a pensive, quiet child.  I didn't speak a word until age two and a half.  I think I was biding my time, trying to get a fix on what was happening and where I fit in.

More opposites: Ours was the only non-Christian family in my neighborhood, then the only liberal, tomboy, "woman's libber" (the  60s) in my school. I liked science, climbing trees, bicycling and playing chess. The core of the story is that I had to figure out how to be comfortable with having my differences pointed out, not always with great affection, early on.  Made me strong and sensitive to issues of identity and diversity.  

I was blessed to have the opportunity to study and t.ravel in two different countries by the age of seventeen  I caught the world language, music, dance and travel bug.  

Fast forward to college - end of freshman year. My parents rejected the idea of my being in a relationship with a young man  from a different background than mine. They gave me an ultimatum.  Drop him or they would cut me off financially.  I put myself through college.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

I worked in a couple of corporate jobs right out of school.  They were okay, but I wanted to do something more meaningful, so I took a major pay cut and went into the human service field in which I still work 22 years later. 

My vision is to continue doing AVODAH - Hebrew for work, worship, and service - that is aligned with my values and talents.  My vision is to have SHALOM BAYIT - peace of the household.

My vision is to live with RUACH - full breath, joyful spirit.  My vision is ASHER CHAYIM - a life of abundant happiness.  My vision is REFUAH SH'LEIMA - full healith.  My vision is to do my part to bring about TIKKUN HAOLAM - the repair of the world.