Hello,
So I have been constantly telling myself that I am happy being single. And in some certain aspects I really am. I love being able to spend my time 100% how I want to. But being around so many of my friends in meaningful relationships can get tough. It seems every one I know lately is in a relationship, engaged, or married. Then there's me sitting there all by myself. Gets a little awkward sometimes!
I have been trying very hard lately to stop focusing on the negative. I look in the mirror and instead of thinking "god you look so fat!" I try and put it into a positive. I know I am not fat, I actually have a pretty good body. But I have just become so used to calling myself fat. I've had this issue for most of my life. That and my complexion. Okay so maybe I just have really low self esteem. But I have found that ever since I was told (can't remember what day) to stop telling myself the negative I have been feeling better.
Yeah, there are times where I catch myself falling back into the old routine, but if I can just keep this up maybe all the self doubts will go away.
I had a really tough relationship and I have found that it affected me than I could ever imagine. I meet a guy and just when it starts going well I shy away. I have found out that I am terrified of them deciding that I am not good enough. That's pretty much what happened in the previous relationship.
At the end of that relationship I had pretty much hit rock bottom. I didn't believe myself to have any worth and I didn't think I had anything good about myself. Horrible eh? But since then with the help of family and friends I am no longer on rock bottom.
I just need to now listen to that inner voice that keeps telling me that I am an amazing person and that I am worth something. Instead of focusing on the negative, do something to turn it into a positive and spend more time focusing on the positive. I can do it!
Okay, so this was more of a rambling lost in thought kind of post. But it feels good to have it off of my chest. Hopefully the next entry will be a happier one!
