I feel everything is spiraling out of control.  I have PTSD and severe social anxiety.  I've never been married and I feel my social skills are lacking (I'm told this is due to a learning disorder).  

It seems that in the past, someone has always been in control of my life, whether I liked it or not.  My Father was controlling because he was an abuser.  My Mother, though very loving, was controlling in effort to protect me. I never felt like I was in charge, though I did love the feeling and comfort of my Mother's love and protection.  My Father?  I've had a lot of anger issues towards him and the day he died, I somehow gained a peace inside of me, knowing he could never again hurt me.  Unfortunately I felt guilty for this... and even his death could not reconcile my hatred and anger towards him.

I want to gain control of my own life and move forward knowing I've learned the skills to take care of myself.  I want to be able to make friends and hang out with people w/o shaking and getting so nervous.  I want to find a husband to love.  I just want to be happy.