Time for change

 Today I am starting my journey I wiegh 290 lbs and have no energy. I feel like a lump on a log I have done nothing but self loathed myself for over 3 years now maybe more I live in las vegas and  started to gamble ,it just takes me away from myself but leaves me empty and more hateful of me. I am so tired of this,so this is day 1 I just ate a handful of nuts and dried fruit and fresh blueberries and i am going to walk my golden retriever for 2 hours I used to walk 5 miles in 2 hours so I hope I can at least acheive close to that. My dogs have suffered this pit of dispare I have crawled into as well as my husband. I have made changes in the past so I know I am capable of doing this. I overcame a herion addiction 5 years ago but I feel like a dry drunk stopping the drugs I thought would make everything better but that it seems was the easy part. I am going to log my journey here and on another journaling site I will tell my whole sordid story and believe me its sordid but will have a happy ending I am 44 years old l grew up with out parents and have limited education I ran wild my whole childhood right through til my 30's I feel now that I am growing up I want a life and I am going to go get one. Laurenmay 

Comment (1) View (137) Show support

Tags: