I'm looking for some path that can break me of a miserable, yet still fixable, cycle.

 Being an only child, my family was always very close. About 6 years ago, my father had a brain hemorrhage that almost cost him his life. It took him many year for him to recover and physically has made a great return. His memory was never the same, so my mom was the brains of the operation and he was the brawn.

 As dad recovered, mom's health began to decline. She suffered from cancer in the 70's and beat that, she battled diabetes and a debilitating knee and hip injury through out her life. Dad took care of her until she passed away last November. 

 Moving from almost losing one parent to watching him come back to losing the other was heartbreaking for me. I tried to not let it affect me and struggled through the better part of the winter and spring. Everyone mentioned to make sure I took care of my dad, but i think I mostly forgot about myself.

 My mom kept her faith right until the end of her life, but since she died, I have had trouble bringing myself to understand why someone struggles her whole life through cancer and diabetes to end up losing her life when really her and man dad should have been celebrating retirement. I have never felt she deserved to leap over the hurdles she did in life, being she was the sweetest lady I has ever known.

 So between questioning my faith, which until now was fairly solid, my ballooning weight problem and trying desperately to find something to hip check me back on the right track, I have found my way here. 

 Everything isn't black clouds and doom though. I have a good, stable job, some close friends and I want to change, just have to figure out how to get started.

Grew up an only child in a very loving family and had a normal childhood and teenage existence. 

Went to work right after high school and have worked at the same facility for almost 22 years. 

• I want to start on a path to try and be healthier and happier.

• I want to have that comfort back that my faith provided for me at one time. If not what I had growing up in the catholic faith, then something that I can believe in that will help me understand and move forward.
• I need to improve my outlook to help me move past loss and find a way to grieve, but focus on me and get my house in order.

 I listened to Devlyn on the Jason Ellis Show this afternoon and decided that this is something I can try. Jason says to harden up and move to make a better life for yourself, of course with more colorful language thrown in there... 

 I don't want to feel like this... I don't want to look like I do... I'm tired of feeling shitty, for lack of a better term, and hopefully this can help me on my way to being a better person.