Making Friends

Today's Tools Day and what happened to me yesterday are a good fit. 

I spent part of yesterday afternoon with a lady from my creative writing class.  The jury is still out about us being friends, but it was a day for me to work out my "character."

This lady seems nice, but she is lonely and trying to make friends.  There is nothing wrong with that.  We have all been in that space.

First part of making friends is to share.  This is not to say we are soliciting advice or trying to solve all our problems.  It is a way to open your world to another.

I am finding that some people see this as a "problem solving" task.  As a storyteller, to me a story is beautiful in the telling.  Storytelling is my life.  It is a way to connect and heal.  I know that not all the knots of life will become untangled, but its nice to know that we are not alone in our feelings and our stories are similar.  Whatever those stories maybe.

So this lady kept giving me advice every time I told her a story.  I told her about my ex-boyfriend lying about me and I think the story is sad, but funny.  To me it shows how much my ex was obsessed with me and how now he looks like a nut.  This lady turned it around and asked if I should take legal action against him.  Yes, I could probably do this, but why?  That would just prolong our connection.  She asked me if I liked having "drama" in my life.  I knew what she meant and as a person raised in the theatre I can tell you that life is "drama." 

It cracks me up when people speak of "drama."  Drama is heightened emotions, which we all have from time to time.  What people really mean is "do you like crazy people?"  Yes, I do like the unique in life and I am honest enough to admit that.  I do not allow myself to be abused or abuse others though, which I find is quite common.  That is within the theatre and outside of it.

As the afternoon progressed, I could see why this lady did not have too many friends.  She was not very good at being one.  Normally, I would have just been frank and told her what I thought.  Instead I chose to be compassionate and to REALLY listen to her.

What I found was a woman whose self-worth is tied up in her ability to "problem solve."  I was like that when I worked in the film business and I could not be a friend then either.  I was uncomfortable with my emotional landscape and depression so I could never hear other stories.  I was obviously NOT a very good storyteller, because listening is part of being a good storyteller.  The fact of the matter is, she cannot solve my problems for they are MY problems.  The solutions will come from me.

This episode also reminded me of a dear friend that I have in Singapore.  She has such a compassionate and loving nature.  She was going through a trying time with an ex-boyfriend and I kept shoving advice down her throat.  The more advice I gave the worse she got.  I finally stopped all contact with her.  The fact of the matter was I could not deal with my emotions.  I was in denial about what I wanted from my boyfriend and not being honest with myself.

My friend from Singapore never held that against me and reconnected with me.  We are now working on a book about our friendship and how it spans countries and cultures.  We are going to meet up in Michigan this year.

So what am I trying to say in this long post, that I got a chance to be my "character."  My "character" is loving and compassionate and sees the beauty in all. 

Yesterday, I got a chance to "live" my character and it was fun.

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