Life is all in how you see it.

I have a friend living with me who is trying to get their life straightened out after everything has fallen apart for them.  He is a good guy, and is there for me when I need him.  He is a good friend so it's hard knowing that he is so unstable. 

Tonight is the last night it will be just the two of us here at my appartment.  Tomorrow my boyfriend will move in for a couple weeks until he goes back to France, his home base.  This is really good because David (the boyfriend) can save money on his hotel bill, while I can relax a little bit about the extra month of rent I have due because of a bounced check.

I thought it would be nice to spend this last night, not in the hotel with David, but at home with Brian so we can enjoy each others company as friends before David becomes part of the mix.  We cleaned up a bit, watched some TV and went to bed........or at least I did. 

I woke up in the middle of the night to Brian sobbing and frantically calling my name.  He was a wreck and kept saying he wanted to kill himself.  He was blaming all of his life problems on a relationship which he is making more meaningful in retrospect.  He cried loud like a child.  He wanted to go home to Ohio.  He called his ex several times, embarrasing himself until I knocked the phone out of his hand twice.  He was going to pace around the house, which was going to get him more worked up, but I cradled him in my arms, held him, got him a glass of water, reminded him that it wasn't just his failed relationship that was bringing on the stress, but that his career and other issues were piling on him and if he seperated them they were all manageable and changeable.  He said he felt horrible for leaching off of me.  For sitting around the house while I payed for his meals when I can't pay my own bills.  I told him I saw things differently.  For every negative thing he said I had a positive way to combat it, and it wasn't only me saying something positive just to say it, but I was really feeling it.  We were living it two parallel worlds.  I didn't resent him for staying with me.  I wasn't judging him while he was sitting on the computer, I was giving him a break.  And he diserved one since the last month has turned his life upside down.  I'm not going to support him forever, but I am going to give him a break.  We all need one once in a while.  For Brian, he can't go 'home' to his family and truely relax, because his family, like mine is fractured and unsure of its footing.  People expect him to know there what he wants and how to start to go about doing it.  I don't expect anything from Brian.  He needs time to heal.  He needs a more positive mindset.  I tried to suggest this program to him several times but he seems dead set on doing something else; nothing.  That's okay too.  I think in life when you truely need a break, someone will catch you when you fall.  It feels good to finally be doing some catching.  I can't fix Brians problems, and I don't intend to.  I don't intend to fix David's either while he's living with me.  The only persons problems I have the power to fix are my own and its gratifying to accept that because it releases more energy to my inner self and my inner voice to keep cheering me on to do the best that I can do for me. 

I'm realizing with Brian, what a positive mindset I have and how fortunate I am to be in it and to have what I have in this moment in the universe.

Amanda

xo

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Tags: helping friends, love, Support, giving, self empowerment