One simple question changed it all.
"Where's your faith?"
I've taught and guided this person from toddler to middle age... I am her 2nd mom
(as her mother was mine). How did she get so wise? I felt ashamed and began
right then to pray. I didn't ask for explanations. I didn't demand answers. I would
not dare challenge my Creator by whinning over my troubles.
I was on the phone with my neice. She caught me feeling very low and asked me
to tell her what was wrong......well...I told her:
My husband just was in the hospital with his 2nd heart attack..having surgery again.
And I could not even be there because of my own health.
My daughter, my only child, with disabilities was being seduced into moving out
and "into a dangerous world" miles away by a social services system that didn't
understand her problems or the problems she could create.
The above two changes were going to cause a disaster in our finances and living on
the wonderful benefits of our social security system...we would lose our house to
foreclosure. A house that we loved and had been a miracle that we ever got it in the
first place but that has been "safeplace" through extremely hard times with our
daughter, would be gone.(My beloved dog that died unexpectedly just 8
months earlier...that I still wepted for..was buried there.)
My own health issues were "beyond" medical solutions...um...for "welfare" insurance
anyway and besides...the doctor's all "blame" the weight but offer no solutions!!
How much was one freaking human being suppose to handle??
"Where's your faith?"
Blammo!!! Like lightening from from the sky...I knew what she ment. I had quoted
the scriptures to her many times in the past. "God never gives you more than you
can bear...but that He gives you the strenght to endure" 1Cor.10:13
Matthew 17:20: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you
can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move."
I knew right then and there. I had to "Step out in Faith".
I determined to stop worrying and have faith in God's promises and power.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them
who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28"
So...I began by praying for forgiveness. Forgiveness for my lack of faith and trusting.
Did everything miraculously become perfect?
My husband did come home...but in June flipped a lawnmower over backwards,
bruising and cracking several ribs...went to ER. Then in September..turned to stop
his car when it jumped out of gear... twist fractured his ankle and shin bone and went
to the ER. Laid him up in bed for months.
November we lost our house and did a urgently rushed move into a used mobil home.
Our car died and the van we bought lasted just long enough to move the two of us with
our electric wheelchairs, our belonging and our precious pets. Many other things were
left behind to be used or trashed by whoever ended up with our house.
But now a year later... We are so blessed.
Yes. We are among family here in this park. We have a cozy, comfy little home better
suited to our wheelchairs and health needs.
The "forced" months in bed to heal hubby's leg has strengthened his heart. We have old
friends that have stepped up to help us. New friends that are bring us new joys
(I am a "grandma").
Our daughter is suffering the consequences of her choices but is growing and maturing.
The lack of stress in dealing with her "problems" has brought about a major change in
our relationship..for the better.
I have rediscovered my two greatest loves....my God and my husband. Both of whom
I am so greatful for. And the rest of lifes problems...they still come. Bills are too many,
dollars too few. Things break, pets die and we do without what most people think they
can't live without, but...we are blessed and and greatful for it.
Blessings to you and yours.
Henry Ward Beecher:
Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things.