I was born and raised in small town Alberta to amazing parents. I had an absolutly perfect childhood. Was given almost every oppertunity, be it sports, camping, all the picture perfect childhood memories.

    When it came to strength and power I had always been naturally gifted. And when you take that and pair it up with the talents i was born with for playing hockey you have yourself an entire childhood from the age of 3 to the age of 18, ten months of the year "Hockey". As well during that time in school my marks were well above average. Not perfect but high enough to be in the top 5 in every class i ever took. I knew i was always happy but when i see my old pictures and see the happiness radiating from me it really makes me appreciate the world i had around me in everyway.

     I got scouted for a couple junior teams. Even played an exhibition game in the WHL. But at the age of 18 my hopes and dreams of making it great had dissapeared, high school was over and it was time to decide what direction i was going to take. Started working right away doing construction, enjoyed it but was not enough work available to stay busy at the time so to pay the bills I figured i would go work out at a Sod Farm just out of town to pay the bills and enjoy the outdoors during the summer.

    Over the next 5 years i worked there, alot of it was long tedious physical labour but i enjoyed and pushed myself to be the strongest, fastest most efficient worker on my crew. The man and his wife who ran the farm are amazing people in everyway as well as amazing employers. But one saturday morning while finishing up our day on the Sod harvester a little slip put me under one of the backwheels of the tractor and i had 5000lbs crush me into the ground crushing my pelvis, doing major trauma to the rest of my body and almost killing me. 

    That happened back in 2002. Since then I have had horrible horrible hard times, some caused by the physical injuries and some from the emotional rollercoaster i have been on since then. When i looked at myself in the mirror in my wheel chair all broken and nothing like the person i once was, there was always someone or something around to give me positive support. My best friend who by the way suggested I utilize these tools to life has pointed out no one was harder on me then me. I have struggled through attempted suicide brought on by feelings of what a burden i had become to those around me, and i have succeeded in keeping my head up and striving for happiness.

    For the past six years its been a war of positive and negative living for me. It always seems when i really give my entire being in mind body and soul to being the best I can possibly be, right around the corner was another failure or situation to pull me back and make all my efforts seem in vane.  Some days it feels like im totally falling apart and the stress and frustration is so overwhelming it feels like i have lost. There are also days where everything falls in place and is just right in every single way. But its been feeling alot like all the effort i am putting towards my happiness in life are just setting me up for dissapointment.

I really have no certain direction I know I want to take my life. I am so overwhelmed by intense emotions I find it very hard to sometimes even think straight. I want to step out of this viscious circle i am in. Im my own worst enemy. Some mornings its amazing how badly i can beat myself up before i even get out of bed. Failure and hardship is a part of life and I need to find what it takes to not let it bring me down.