Reverting

 Well tools has done nothing but good in my life for the past several months. I've quit drinking (4 months), no longer use drugs (3 months), and quit smoking (2 months). I am very proud of these accomplishments and my life has been very positive. However, the last 2 weeks, especially this week have been extremely difficult. I'm finding myself overwhelmed with anxiety and depression (which I have been on medication for, for about 6 months). Today is the worst. I feel weak and an extreme lack of motivation. I tried to get up and go to work, but I couldn't get myself to do it. The fact that I had to call in makes me feel more depressed because I couldn't take control of my life and do what I know I should. I feel like drinking and smoking and just saying screw it all, but I know I will regret that. The thoughts are just so strong and I think that is what is causing so much anxiety. The fear of relapse and failure. I do go to substance abuse councilling. I am going to see my doctor today and see what he has to say. I just figured I'd write a blog post and see if anyone has found after some clean and sober time if this happened to them, and what they did about it. The main thing is that my motivation is becomming very low. Thanks for reading.

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