Tomorrow my supervisor is doing my yearly evaluation. This will be a good test of tools. By nature... er, personality?... ah, maybe choice even if I was not aware... for whatever reason, I tend to be a defensive person. Somehow convinced that I don't measure up and that others might think I am a fool or worse, I seek to please others while simultaneously trying to convince people I really don't care. Offer me a criticism and I am immediately, "yeah, but...!"
Conversely, I have had trouble accepting compliments. That one is covered however, as someone once pointed out to me that saying anything other than Thank you indicated a self esteem problem. Determined to cover up any indication of low self esteem, I quickly learned to say thank you.
But HAHAHA! I laugh at these negative thoughts! I am proactively envisioning myself naming my good traits and encouraging my supervisor to make more use of my talents! I ask for more involvement with the whole agency and encourage him to give me more committee activity. I see myself actively and nondefensively listening to any concerns and saying... well, I am not sure yet what I will say, but I will not start it with "yeah, but..." If I don't agree then (inside my head only) as coach suggested, I will think wow, that is as silly as calling me a green martian. I procactively encourage him to consider adjusting my salary upward as I know that my knowledge and skills actively assist the agency as my county has demonstrated consistent success for the past 3 years. Wow, I can't wait for this opportunity! I am excited about tomorrow!
