I have been conscieus of my need to change for ages now. I have always been shy, and I have let events in my life take control of me to the point that I feel inferior and fear that noone will want me around. As a consequence I have not made many friends, not because I am boring or anything or even stupid. I just find it really difficult to reach out to people for the percieved risk that I would be rejected.
Then something wonderful, then awful happened. My boyfriend proposed to me. I was so happy, and felt like the luckiest person around. Then I realised that to get married normally involves having a wedding, with lots of people. And I would have to invite them! (well, at least some of them) Panic stations! There was one point where I seriously considered asking if we could go to vegas or somewhere alone to avoid the embarrassment of all the rejection letters I would get from people not wanting to come to the wedding (as if!)
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t was then that I had a breakthrough, I had to do something about the situation or I wasn't going to get married! And I really, really want to get married to my soulmate! My man has given me the gift of wanting to marry me, and also given me the motivation I need to change my life! I love him for that! (although I suspect he had no idea of this consequence when he proposed!)
Therefore I will conquer this fear to the point where I can invite people I care about to this wedding and have the courage to reach out to people I would like to have a better friendship with, so that I will feel comfortable and justified in inviting them also.
My wedding is in 8 months, wish me luck!
